Bill Bradley Earns a Vote the Hard Way

Hello again everybody. Joe Piscopo, live, Dallas Mavericks Press. The big story; me, guest column. Knowledgeable? Insightful? Ignorant!

So goes the start to a story Piscopo wrote for the magazine published by the Mavericks, keeping to the tone of the loud-mouthed sportscaster he popularized on “Saturday Night Live.” But he acknowledges that he wasn’t much of a basketball fan growing up in New Jersey, joining the high school team only because he liked the satin uniforms.

“I never had basketball heroes as a kid because, I’m sorry to say, I never followed the NBA,” Piscopo wrote. “Being from New Jersey, I really regret that because I never followed those championship New York Knicks teams. That’s embarrassing because now when I see Sen. Bill Bradley of New Jersey (a former Knick), he starts talking to me about basketball and the things he did with that team. I just nod and say, ‘I remember that,’ like I know his whole story. I’m probably one of the few people who voted for Bill Bradley based on his political views.”

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Trivia time: What was the first time No. 1 draft choices in the NBA were traded for each other?

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Grunt work: First came the “gruntometer” at Wimbledon. Now, “dial-a-groan.”

Two London tabloids introduced the “gruntometer” to gauge the decibel-level of Monica Seles’ on-court exclamations. The Sun, Britain’s top-selling tabloid, responded to its rivals’ stunt by setting up a telephone “groanline” that readers were invited to call, listen to a recording of Seles and try out their own sounds.

“Simply imitate Monica’s ‘Eeern-uuurgh’ as loudly as you can and leave your name and phone number,” The Sun said. “We’ll test the best efforts with a decibel-meter to find the greatest grunter.”

The winner will receive a racket and 10 tennis balls.

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Off the Schaap heap: In his new book, “Joy in Mudville,” an anthology of baseball humor, Dick Schaap recalls asking Yogi Berra if he had saved any 1951 Mickey Mantle trading cards.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got some lying around someplace,” Berra said.

“You really ought to look for them,” Schaap said. “They’re worth a lot of money.”

“Nah,” Yogi replied. “I prefer to remember Mickey as he is.”

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Add Schaap: He recounts approaching Reggie Jackson in 1978 upon Jackson’s return to Yankee Stadium after a five-day suspension. Schaap asked what thought had been uppermost in Reggie’s mind during his days off.

“The magnitude of me,” Jackson said.

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Simply wondering: If the Lakers return to anywhere near their old form, how long until someone calls the Forum the Pfund House?

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Miller Time: Howie Long of the Raiders appeared on “The Dennis Miller Show” last week. The topic of conversation turned to Al Davis.

“What is with Al Davis?” Miller said. “What is that look about him?”

“Al is the only guy in the NFL who can choke you from three rooms over,” Long said. “He has that Darth Vader ability . . . He’s a very intimidating man--he’s hated, loved and respected.”

“Yeah,” Miller said, “he’s like an 80-year-old Fonzie.”

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Trivia answer: On Dec. 12, 1987, Ralph Sampson and Steve Harris were traded from Houston to Golden State for Joe Barry Carroll, Eric Floyd and cash. Carroll was the first pick in 1980, Sampson in 1983.

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Quotebook: Roy Foreman, on brother George’s possible next opponent: “We’ve been trying to get Elvis. He’s been dead long enough now.”