PRO FOOTBALL / TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS 24, RAMS 14 : Ram Review

First Quarter: Suzanne Sommers stopped by the table Saturday night. True, true, true, no telling how this season might have gone had Wayne Gandy had the thigh master from the very start. . . . Joe Kelly is celebrating and ref has called teammate Jimmie Jones offsides; Wonder what Kelly will do if Jones makes a tackle. . . . Two guys keep blocking Sean Gilbert; seems like a waste of manpower. . . . Rams probably figured Whacky Wyche doesn’t watch film, run Jerome Bettis on first play for 12th time in 14 games. Who has to watch film when you know Chuck Knox: Bettis loses three yards. . . . Sparky Chandler has Rams punting after three plays. . . . Bettis doesn’t lose ground this time, just the ball. . . . Sparky gets sacked; Knox might be next. Bucs 0, Rams 0.

Second Quarter: Chris Brantley, Troy Drayton and now Jessie Hester have dropped passes. As wild as Chris Miller was, no one had any idea how bad Ram receivers were until Sparky started hitting them in the hands. . . . Charles Wilson catch covers 53 yards, third-longest in his career, but game is young. . . . Wilson catches 71-yard pass, the longest completion in Craig Erickson’s career, but it isn’t even halftime. . . . Troy Drayton catches sixth TD pass; how many TDs would he score if he was included in the game plan? Both teams warned for taunting: “We will move before you move, so there.” Shane Conlan repays cheap shot, demolishes Bucs’ tight end and probably damages team’s playoff hopes. . . . Roman Phifer penalized for trash talk. If you know Phifer, this is like accusing Mother Theresa of cussing. Bucs 17, Rams 7.

Third Quarter: David Lang returns kickoff 57 yards, which is indeed noteworthy: hard to believe he could run that far without fumbling. . . . Sparky overthrows Anderson. Get it? Sparky falls down trying to handoff to Bettis, Bucs recover and aren’t Miller’s excuses better than Sparky’s mistakes? Check this out: Buc fans are chanting: “We will rock you.” They are playing the Rams and may be right. . . . On his best day, Joe DiMaggio never hit as many line drives as Sean Landeta Sunday. . . . Todd Kinchen returns punt 40 yards, which is indeed noteworthy: he caught the ball. . . . On third and one Bettis stopped by Gandy for loss of one. Bucs 17, Rams 7.

Fourth Quarter: Bettis loses two yards. He no longer has goal of 2,000 or 1,000 yards, but finishing in black. . . . Jessie Hester catches TD pass. You can’t call this “Miracle on 34th Street,” because Tampa Stadium is located on Dale Mabry Highway. . . . Jimmy Stewart had an angel, friends with money; Bettis has Gandy, loses two yards and ain’t life a . . . Holding call on Leo Goeas wipes out first down, pushes Tony Zendejas back, kick blocked, Bucs win three in a row. Rams long for days when NFL schedule ended after 14 games. Bucs 24, Rams 14.

Game Summary: You’ve seen the Sean Gilbert TV commercial: “Kid, you got my lucky jersey.” Well, gosh darn it, kid, give it back.