Big? Stodgy? Maybe, But It’s an Oscar Rite of Passage

The Event: Everything glittered and everything was gold at the Governor’s Ball, held at the Shrine Auditorium immediately following the Academy Awards ceremony. Great swaths of back-lit muslin bedecked the pillars and ceiling, while the tables and chairs were covered in gold panne velvet. Set your statuette down in here and you’d never find it again.

The Scene: This one is renowned for being the biggest and stodgiest of the post-Oscar bashes, as well as the most universally attended--kind of like the birthday party your parents throw for you before you duck out to the real party with your friends.

Who Was There: Everyone. No, really--everyone. The only people missing were Arnold Schwarzenegger and “Kato” Kaelin.

Highest IQ: Tom Hanks abandoned himself to eloquence at last. “When you hear your name and you stumble up the stairs, it’s not surprise, it’s not shock. It has something to do with complete and utter--equipoise.” Who knows, maybe next year we’ll have a rash of movies about really, really smart people and Hanks will win again.

A Rematch: Tom Hanks and John Travolta continued to compete, this time for the title of most gracious and captivating celebrity on the planet. Hanks and wife, Rita Wilson held forth to one and all as if they were hosting a back-yard barbecue.

The Charm Stakes Winner: Travolta revealed a disarmingly sweet brand of charisma: “I love Tom Hanks, and seeing him up there broke my heart,” he said gently, as he escorted his father’s wheelchair to the door.

Non Sequitur: Quentin Tarantino, who won for best original screenplay, said, “It’s a great birthday present.” Was it really his birthday? “Um, well--I’m really just trying to sit down,”he said. And he did. This talented young man seems to accomplish most anything he sets out to do.

Miss Congeniality: Oprah Winfrey was testy. Perhaps she’d been interrupted in the midst of a Spago, ergo sum crisis.

Sartorial Stats: Baseball caps: 0. Nose Rings: 1. Ponytails: 1. We’re proud to report that this event was 100% coiffed. It was a very good hair day.