This ‘Expert’ Turns a Draft Into Hot Air

Bryan Burwell in USA Today, tweaking Mel Kiper Jr., NFL draft “expert”:

“He doesn’t know a blue chip from a cow chip. He scouts with his ears, not his eyes. If one of his NFL cronies tells him someone’s a stud . . . presto! He’s a stud.

“But God bless him, he’s created a gold mine out of his little con. He’s taken one week--actually one day--and made it a career. We should all be so lucky.”

Trivia time: Who was the Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback from Oregon State drafted by the Rams in the first round in 1963?

Artistry: Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, recalling the efficiency of quarterback Joe Montana: “Watching Joe slice and dice the Rams’ secondary was like watching Zorro prepare a salad.”

Jordan factor: How intimidating is Michael Jordan to opponents? Said NBC’s Bill Walton: “He’s created an atmosphere where other teams don’t think they can win.”

Nostalgia: From David Letterman: “Major league baseball players finally resumed playing games. Do you know what I miss most about baseball? The pine tar, the resin, the grass, the dirt--and that’s just in the hot dogs.”

Accommodating: Cosmas Ndeti and Uta Pippig, winners of the Boston Marathon, took a three-mile jog with President Clinton on Wednesday.

Said Clinton: “I wasn’t too hard on them.”

Not that simple: Andy Van Slyke, 34, former Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder who signed with the Baltimore Orioles on Friday, was asked whether he found baseball to be like riding a bike--once you’ve done it, you never forget how.

Said Van Slyke: “Considering I was hit by a car twice while riding a bike, you’d better try another analogy.”

Clean floor: Bob Costas, discussing the possibility that ballroom dancing could become an Olympic sport:

“It’s nice to see it’s legitimate again after all those steroid and point-shaving scandals of the past.”

Perfect casting: If they ever make James Earl Jones’ life story, who does the actor want to play him? Why, Sir Charles.

“Charles Barkley must play James Earl Jones. I wouldn’t have anybody else do it,” Jones said.

New career?Tom Weir in USA Today: “Joe Montana has barely retired, and already Bob Dole has said he would welcome Montana as a teammate in the U.S. Senate.

“For a conservative like Dole, that makes sense. As right wings go, nobody ever had a better one than Montana.”

The Deion hype: When Cincinnati Red outfielder Deion Sanders arrived at spring training, a delegation of players dragged him toward the batting cage.

Aware of Sanders’ approach from the sudden clicking of cameras, second baseman Bret Boone announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.”

Trivia answer: Terry Baker.

Quotebook: Bob Hope on former President Gerald Ford’s golfing adventures: “They have 57 golf courses down here (in the Palm Springs area), and he doesn’t know which one he’s going to play until after his first tee shot.”