Now He Can Show Them How It’s Done

How about Times columnist Mike Downey as manager of the Dodgers?

Don’t laugh. It could happen. There’s a precedent for it. In Brazil, the country’s most popular and successful soccer team recently fired its coach and replaced him with a sports columnist who had never coached so much as a junior team.

Flamengo of Rio de Janeiro, whose lineup includes World Cup star Romario, is mired in 10th place in a 12-team league, so club officials fired Coach Edinho and announced that Washington Rodrigues, a 59-year-old columnist for Rio’s Jornal dos Sports newspaper, would take over.

“Maybe I’m not a soccer coach,” Rodrigues said. “But I’ve been in the window for 35 years and I’m not dumb. I know how the band plays.”

Downey would fit right in. He has never coached a team, either.

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Add coach: As a columnist, Rodrigues sharply criticized Romario’s lackadaisical attitude and distaste for practice.

“Romario is like the owner of a sauna. He makes money with the sweat of others,” Rodrigues once wrote.

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Trivia time: Who won the first unlimited hydroplane race held in San Diego?

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Changing times: David E. Davis Jr., editor of Automobile magazine, recalled a conversation with the late Juan Manuel Fangio in which the five-time world Grand Prix champion bemoaned the commercialism in racing.

“When I raced, I raced for my country,” Fangio said. “It was a matter of pride. Today, a talented young driver can give his life for a brand of condoms.”

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A 500 day: On this day in 1965, Willie Mays hit his 500th home run, off Houston’s Don Nottebart. . . . And on this day in 1971, Frank Robinson hit his 500th homer, off Detroit’s Fred Scherman.

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Target practice: Eight-foot caricatures of David Letterman, Madonna, George Steinbrenner and Donald Trump offer golfers something to shoot at on the Randalls Island driving range in New York.

“The response has been fantastic,” said pro Leo Tabick, who was instrumental in the erection of the targets, 75 yards out from the practice tees. Who gets the most hits?

“Definitely Madonna,” he said.

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Avid reader: Many ballplayers say they never read newspapers, but Brave pitcher Greg Maddux told the Sporting News’ Dave Kindred that he reads them for quotes.

“A guy hit a home run off me and said it was a fastball,” Maddux said. “A fastball? It was a change. If he thinks that’s my fastball, next time I’ll run my real fastball at him.”

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More Maddux: The more he knows about hitters, the better off he is, the three-time Cy Young winner said. Then he added, “You can be the smartest guy there is, but you still have to throw the ball.”

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True to character: Montreal relief pitcher Mel Rojas has 26 saves this season, but he’s known around the Expos’ clubhouse as a chronic complainer. After a game in which he was yanked after being shelled, reporters were waiting for Rojas when General Manager Kevin Malone walked by.

“You’ll probably be waiting for a time,” Malone said. “The excuse man is probably busy thinking up another excuse.”

Sure enough, when Rojas arrived, he said he should have had 10 more warm-up pitches to get ready.

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Come one, come all: China, Iraq, Iran, Mongolia and Ethiopia are among the latest countries to accept invitations to the 1996 Olympic Games next summer in Atlanta.

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Trivia answer: Warner Gardner, in Jim Herrington’s Mariner Too, in 1964.

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Quotebook: Washington Redskin defensive back James Washington on Arizona Cardinal Coach Buddy Ryan: “Everybody talks about ‘Buddy Ball.’ What is ‘Buddy Ball?’ He hasn’t won a game yet. To hell with ‘Buddy Ball.’ ”