THE NFL / BILL PLASCHKE : Under Fisher, the Oilers Are Also Moving on the Field

In a small storage room at the top of a narrow stairway in a nondescript building in a dying neighborhood sits one of the two best new coaches in the NFL.

Well, sometimes he sits. When the windowless walls don’t make him claustrophobic.

Or when he doesn’t get crazy from the intermittent whine of an air unit that rattles the ceiling tiles over his desk.

Or when he’s not sleeping. Which he also does in his office.

A naked blue mattress, leaning against a back wall, occupies a big chunk of space.

EASY REST, reads the insignia.

Jeff Fisher wishes.

“Every day in this league-- every day --there is something,” says Fisher, the Houston Oilers’ coach.

He breaks into a strange smile.

“Actually, I can’t wait to come to work every morning.”

This former USC defensive back and Buddy Ryan disciple is about half crazy, which is about perfect for a season during which:

--The Astrodome field was declared unplayable, costing his players their third and most important exhibition game.

--Two of his players--Stan Thomas and Hicham El-Mashtoub--engaged in one of the most brutal locker-room fights in recent history.

--His team owner, Bud Adams, decided to move the team to Nashville.

--His most beloved employee, Bill (Mojo) Lackey, collapsed in the locker room before practice one morning and died of a stroke.

Fisher has handled all of these problems as he handled this week’s waiving of high-priced tackle David Williams. A former journeyman with the Chicago Bears, Fisher treats players the way only another player could treat them.

“He called us together and said, ‘Guys, this is life in the new NFL,’ ” recalled cornerback Cris Dishman. “Didn’t make any excuses or apologies. Told us like it was.”

The results have been four victories in 11 games. But for a team that won only twice last year and did not appreciably improve in the off-season, sometimes those four feel like 14.

And the Oilers play hard for him. For all three hours.

This is a four-win team that ranks fourth in the NFL in defense. A four-win team tied for the NFL lead with 27 forced turnovers. A four-win team that has been tied or leading in the fourth quarter eight of 11 times.

“Say this for that team, they aren’t quitting on Fisher,” one scout said after watching them push the AFC-best Kansas City Chiefs to the brink.

With a career backup, Chris Chandler, at quarterback while top pick Steve McNair learns the ropes; rookies Rodney Thomas and Chris Sanders playing major roles at running back and wide receiver, and a mishmash of too-young or too-average players on defense, Fisher has pulled them together each week with a theme.

Maybe respect. Or revenge. Or redemption.

Just like another hot young coach used to do. Remember Jimmy Johnson?

“Jeff has an innate ability to know when and how, “ said Oiler General Manager Floyd Reese, who named Fisher the permanent coach last January.

Take Fisher’s office. No Oiler coach ever had one at the team’s practice facility. Work was done in the locker room and film room.

Then one day Fisher opened a door, discovered a closet, and claimed it, making something out of nothing again.

THE OTHERS

Rating the new coaches:

1 (tie). Ray Rhodes, Philadelphia Eagles. He has done wonders with a team that seemingly spends each week on the brink of chaos. He should win some sort of award for keeping Randall Cunningham from running naked down Broad Street. And another for keeping Ricky Watters focused on greatness, not goofiness.

While we’re at it, give owner Jeff Lurie an award for having the guts to hire him. Contrary to previous reports, Lurie and associates claim that Rhodes was always his first choice.

“You could tell from his interview that this was a guy you wanted with you in a battle,” Lurie said.

1. (tie). Fisher, Oilers. Let’s hope he doesn’t ruin everything by hiring old friend, Ryan, after His Roundness is fired.

3. Dom Capers, Carolina Panthers. One question about this man, who has led the Panthers to an expansion-record five victories while building a defense that has given up the fewest first downs in the NFL, 184, and is tied for the league lead in turnovers caused, 27:

Has his expression ever changed? Ever?

4. Tom Coughlin, Jacksonville Jaguars. Nobody works harder or cares more, but look at their last three games, all difficult losses. Burn-out alert! Burn-out alert!

5. Rich Brooks, St. Louis Rams. Best coach of the season’s first half. But now that his team’s weaknesses have been exposed, now that they are starting to get that old Ram feeling again, now we want to see him coach.

6. Mike Shanahan, Denver Broncos. A brilliant tactician, he has won a couple of games with his creative use of offensive weapons. But can he motivate his team to play as well in the small games--note whippings by Eagles and Seattle Seahawks--as in the big ones like their Monday night pasting of Oakland?

7. Mike White, Oakland Raiders. Forget their earlier three-game domination over the New York Jets, Seattle Seahawks and Eagles. In the two games that mattered the most--earlier in Denver, and last Sunday against the Dallas Cowboys--they committed seven turnovers, were called for 22 penalties and were outscored, 61-21.

8. Dennis Erickson, Seahawks. Despite having their first three-game winning streak since 1990, he and his young staff are still a tad over their heads. Nothing a good general manager couldn’t fix.

9. Rich Kotite, New York Jets. We’re still dying to ask Jet owner Leon Hess one question. Why?

WHATEVER

Lomas Brown, Detroit Lion tackle, describes Coach Wayne Fontes’ situation this way: “One minute the front office thinks it’s got its foot on his throat, and the next minute he’s got his foot on their throat.” . . . Did you know that Don Shula offered the Miami Dolphin defensive coordinator position to Pete Carroll this winter? Carroll turned him down and has since retained his status as boy wonder by working marvels with the San Francisco 49er defense. . . . Wonder if Shula saw that sign at Joe Robbie Stadium Monday night that read “Free Jimmy J.,” in reference to Jimmy Johnson.

Since the NFL went to a 12-team playoff format for the 1990 season, 13 teams have started the season 4-0. Only two of those have failed to make the playoffs. The Rams will probably have to win one of three games against contenders--the 49ers, Dolphins or Buffalo Bills--to ensure they don’t become the third team to be shut out. . . . At least one Ram still thinks St. Louis is a wonderful place. Todd Lyght credits his career-high four interceptions to there not being much to do in his new home, compared to Los Angeles. “It’s being in St. Louis,” he said when asked for the reason for his success. “Coming home and being a hermit every night, studying my game tapes. No running the streets of Sunset Boulevard for me.”

AND THEN SOME

After the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cleveland Browns have faced each other for the last time Sunday, one of professional sports’ greatest rivalries will be left only with memories such as this one, from former Steeler linebacker Jack Ham.

Ham said his wife, Joanne, insisted on accompanying him to Cleveland for a game in the 1970s. One member of her wives’ group was walking back to her seat wearing a white fur coat and carrying two cups of hot chocolate. A Brown fan approached. “Excuse me, are you a Steelers fan?” he asked. “Yes,” the wife said proudly. The man then knocked the cups out of her hand, covering her pretty white coat with cocoa. Later, the wives regrouped and were waving little Steeler pennants. A Brown fan set the pennants afire.

(BEGIN TEXT OF INFOBOX / INFOGRAPHIC)

QUICK KICKS

NOT IN HANDBOOK: The nationally televised shouting match Monday night between San Francisco 49er safety Merton Hanks and defensive end Alfred Williams offered insight into the unwritten NFL players’ code.

Hanks was scolding Williams for falling on the field after suffering a finger injury, thus forcing the game to be stopped.

Real men, and real 49ers, stay upright after suffering injuries that don’t cripple them.

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COLD FACTS: The bad news is that in the 20-year existence of the contending Tampa Bay Buccaneers, they have never won a game when the field temperature was below 42 degrees.

The worse news is that two of their final three road games are at Green Bay and Chicago.

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AT LEAST IT DIDN’T SAY USC: Life for the Arizona Cardinals is so lousy that during a loss to the Carolina Panthers last week, the scoreboard at Clemson Stadium flickered in the second half before replacing the word Cards with Duke.

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STAT OF THE WEEK: The Cardinals’ 96 yards in total offense in that game was their lowest output in three cities and five stadiums covering 40 years.

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SURVEY SAYS: A recent phone poll conducted by the Arizona Republic asked whether Cardinal Coach Buddy Ryan should be fired.

Of 674 readers responding, 623 said yes.

We think the 51 others should respond to a newspaper poll asking readers whether they have ever had their heads examined.

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MODERN-DAY NFL: There are few better examples of the problems in today’s NFL than at the visiting owner’s box at Foxboro Stadium.

At least four owners of visiting teams have not attended their games against the New England Patriots for fear that once there, they will be served deposition papers related to Billy Sullivan’s antitrust suit against the NFL.

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AND JUSTICE FOR ALL: Mike Pritchard, Denver Bronco wide receiver, was fined $7,500 for bumping an official . . . but only $1,005 for vehicular assault and driving while impaired during a recent car accident in which he drove into two women.

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WHAT A GUY: During the pretrial phase of Cleveland’s lawsuit against the Browns, owner Art Modell testified that the team’s practice facility in Berea, Ohio, had received a bomb threat the previous day.

But Coach Bill Belichick later said he knew nothing about the threat, and that the building was not evacuated on the day in question, as Modell had said it was.

Either Modell is a perjurer, or he wants to clean house--literally--before going to Baltimore.

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PLAYER’S COACH: Carolina Coach Dom Capers moved the team’s weekly weigh-in from Friday morning to Thursday morning so players could pig out on Thanksgiving.