THE NFL / BILL PLASCHKE : These Bowls Will Actually Settle Debates

With apologies to college football’s bowl conspiracy, or alliance, or whatever it is they are calling those abusers of child labor, the NFL will be holding its own annual holiday games on this final weekend of the regular season. Four wild-card playoff spots to be decided in two days of games. And not a weedeater among them.

QUENTIN CORYATT BOWL

* New England at Indianapolis

If the Colts win, they advance to the AFC playoffs for the first time since 1987. If linebacker Coryatt had held on to a pass from San Diego Charger quarterback Stan Humphries that hit him directly in the hands in the waning moments Sunday, the Colts would already be there. The first time they played this season, the Colts outrushed the Patriots, 138-51, in a 24-10 victory at New England. But that was B.C. As in, Before Curtis Martin, the Patriot rookie who is the best running back in the league this very minute.

BOBBY ROSS BOWL

* San Diego at New York Giants

If the Chargers win, they advance to the playoffs after being reported mathematically eliminated by some sources a month ago.

Since then, in a remarkable comeback effort without their best player, running back Natrone Means, they have defeated the Oakland Raiders, Cleveland Browns, Arizona Cardinals, then the Colts at Indianapolis on Sunday.

Those were the sorts of teams who were beating the Chargers early in the season, when the defending AFC champions fell to 4-7 while receiving the faith of just one man. That would be Coach Bobby Ross, who put aside a serious abdominal illness to carry a group of complacent athletes to this special moment.

Ross screamed at his team when they weren’t trying, scolded the media when they were ripping, and stood firmly behind what appeared to be a losing bet.

About that Coach of Year ballot. Is it too late to get it back?

REVENGE BOWL

* Denver at Oakland

The Broncos handed the Raiders their worst embarrassment of the season--a little like saying somebody gave Kevin Costner his worst haircut ever--when they whipped them, 27-0, on a Monday night in October.

The Raiders need only atone for that loss--and hope that the Seattle Seahawks’ 13th loss in 14 games in Kansas City occurs--to make the playoffs in the easiest scenario possible.

This could also be called the Mike Shanahan Bowl. He couldn’t coach for Al Davis, and now he’s proving that maybe he can’t coach for anybody else.

The Broncos are playing for nothing here because they couldn’t victory at Houston and blew a 17-point lead at home against Seattle.

BACK DOOR BOWL

* Miami at St. Louis

The Dolphins should win, considering they will probably score 50 points against a defense that has given up an average of 34 points a game the last five weeks. But then they need at least one of three other teams to lose to make the playoffs.

The Colts must lose, or the Chargers must lose, or the Chiefs must lose.

Somewhere in all of this, Don Shula’s dignity is begging for its release.

KNUCKLEHEAD BOWL

* San Francisco at Atlanta

An appropriately named game if only because Jeff George will be one of the quarterbacks. George’s Falcons must upset football’s hottest team, then hope the Minnesota Vikings lose at Cincinnati against the Bengals. The Falcons should have thought of this earlier, when they were blowing two-touchdown leads to the Carolina Panthers and Arizona Cardinals.

SAVE DENNY GREEN BOWL

* Minnesota at Cincinnati

Even though Green, the Viking coach, has three years remaining on his contract, it might be bought out if he doesn’t at least make the playoffs, which involve more than just winning here.

The Vikings must then hope the Falcons lose and the Chicago Bears also lose to the Philadelphia Eagles.

Watching all of this from the press box will be a defensive coordinator who could have Green’s job by New Year’s Eve. Maybe this should be the Tony Dungy Bowl.

REPUTATION BOWL

* Philadelphia at Chicago

Uneasy rests the legend of Bear Coach Dave Wannstedt. Long praised by scribes such as this one, his clay feet have been exposed with his team’s five losses in their its last seven games.

A victory here, combined with a Falcon loss, extends his warranty.

DAWG MEETS DOG BOWL

* Cleveland at Jacksonville

Just when the Browns thought they had seen the last of a Dawg Pound, they travel to Jacksonville, where a roster full of barkers awaits them. The only thing remotely fun about this game between Jaguar Coach Tom Coughlin and Brown Coach Bill Belichick will be the postgame meetings at midfield, where the players are likely to engage in heated debate over whose boss is a bigger jerk.