‘How to Massage Your Dog’--Seriously

It wasn’t that we’d gotten tired of one another--he was still glad to see me when I got home, and I still enjoyed making him dinner--but after a year and a half of living together there wasn’t much doubt we were in a rut.

A book I read suggested massage could strengthen our relationship.

So, one night, I pushed him out of the living room, dimmed the lights, put on soft music and spread a huge, fluffy towel on the carpet.

Then I called him in.

“Buster! C’mere, boy!”

According to author Jane Buckle in “How to Massage Your Dog” (Howell Book House/Macmillan, 1995), massage is “a natural way to increase the bond between you and your dog. . . . It increases blood circulation, helps aches and pains, reduces blood pressure, soothes away fears and encourages relaxation.”

The book explains three massage strokes: palm, thumb and “fish” (in which you knead the muscles by flexing your hands like the mouth of a fish); six massage-ideal areas of your dog; and how to deal with different dogs, including pregnant dogs, city dogs and couch-potato dogs (“First of all, turn off the TV. . . .”).

The approach is flip, but somebody’s buying it. “How to Massage Your Dog,” released in October, is already in its second printing of 10,000 copies each. The book’s natural sequel, “How to Massage Your Cat,” with the same light tone and practical tips, has just come out.

“They’re really tongue in cheek,” Buckle says of her books. “You can reach far more people with humor. They buy [a book] for a joke, and then they try it and find out it works.”

So there Buster and I sat, eyeball to eyeball, ready to give dog massage a spin.

“Most dogs adore having their backs massaged, and it is often the most acceptable place to begin,” writes Buckle.

An acceptable place--that’s a good thing. When you’re dealing with a lanky Great Dane mix who weighs a scant 20 pounds less than you do, you don’t want to try anything too unacceptable.

“Down,” I ordered.

He couldn’t just lie down decorously--and conveniently--on his chest. Instead, he rolled all the way over onto his back. Ever tried to massage a dog’s back when he’s on it? Can’t be done.

I persevered. “Up,” I said. Buster got up. “Sit,” I said. Buster sat. “Down,” I said. Down he went, rolling on his shoulder like a stunt dog, four feet waving in the air, tongue lolling. When he landed back on his side, I reached for at least half his back . . . and there he went again, twisting to see what I was doing back there.

The next scene found me crouched behind Buster on the floor, massaging his tail, all the while peering around at his face to gauge whether it was doing any good. Buster’s expression looked more like I was cutting off his tail with a carving knife. Finally, he bent double, stretched his nose around to his tail and firmly, gently nudged my hands away.

Rejection like this doesn’t happen to Buckle, even when she’s getting personal with strange dogs on talk shows. “They all go to sleep,” she says. “And that’s in front of the cameras.”

Until recently, Buckle admits, “I was actually quite afraid of dogs.” Then, she allowed a friend to bring some puppies to her house. As they snoozed in front of the fire, Buckle dared to touch one.

“Before I knew what was happening, I was massaging it,” she says, “and I swear it turned around and smiled at me.”

Before she became an author, Buckle was an intensive-care nurse in England. Now she lives with her husband and their cat in upstate New York and London, and consults and lectures about alternative health techniques. This spring, she’s giving seminars sponsored by the American Holistic Nurses Assn., “Aromatherapy for Health Professionals.”

Applying human healing methods to animals was a natural progression, Buckle says. Although there is no research to measure massage’s effect on animals, she says studies show that human givers and receivers of massage can reduce their stress and blood pressure. Massage also helps pet owners identify changes in an animal’s coat or body.

“You feel lumps and bumps you might not if you were just petting,” Buckle says.

Massage has a definite place in some pets’ well-being, agrees Dr. Daniel Vanderhoof, owner of Vanderhoof Veterinary Hospital in Altadena. “The attention, the caressing, the petting relaxes them, eases their fears”--especially for sick animals, he says. “It’s beneficial both for the animal and the person petting.”

But for most pets, he adds, “probably just plain old petting and talking is equally good.”

Buster would agree. The next time I tried massaging him and he flopped down in his usual fashion, I was ready with a chest massage. I refused to take his forefeet pushing at my stomach as a no, and gradually he relaxed. I can’t say he was convinced, though, because as soon as I sat back, he was up, practically sitting in my lap and demanding to be petted the old-fashioned way.

His enthusiasm about the pig’s ear I gave him afterward was much more sincere. I guess it’s a matter of knowing your strengths.