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CAPSULES AND RANKINGS
Team: 1. Buffalo (2-1)
Opponent: Dallas
Comment: Not everyone gets to play the Chargers; so they go 15-1.
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Team: 2. Green Bay (3-0)
Opponent: at Minnesota
Comment: Bandwagon derailment prediction: three road games ahead.
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Team: 3. San Francisco (2-0)
Opponent: at Carolina
Comment: 49ers win lottery; rested and face Beuerlein at quarterback.
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Team: 4. Denver (3-0)
Opponent: at Kansas City
Comment: Two things going for Broncos: Bono and Schottenheimer.
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Team: 5. Kansas City (3-0)
Opponent: Denver
Comment: Will Marcus Allen ask Al Davis to introduce him into Hall of Fame?
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Team: 6. Indianapolis (3-0)
Opponent: Miami
Comment: Is this all part of some kind of “Highway to Heaven” script?
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Team: 7. Miami (3-0)
Opponent: at Indianapolis
Comment: Phone call for Jimmy Johnson--some guy named Jones.
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Team: 8. Minnesota (3-0)
Opponent: Green Bay
Comment: Vikings win, Brooke Shields gets good reviews--what next?
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Team: 9. Dallas (1-2)
Opponent: at Buffalo
Comment: Two more games before Michael Irvin returns and then what?
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Team: 10. Houston (2-1)
Opponent: Idle
Comment: What if they have a playoff game and nobody comes?
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Team: 11. Philadelphia (2-1)
Opponent: at Atlanta
Comment: Simple answer: The ball has been sewn to Ricky Watters’ hands.
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Team: 12. Washington (2-1)
Opponent: at St. Louis
Comment: Joe Theismann says Redskins will go 10-6; Perot predicts win.
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Team: 13. Pittsburgh (2-1)
Opponent: Idle
Comment: Rams thought Jerome Bettis was done, Rich Brooks could coach.
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Team: 14. St. Louis (1-1)
Opponent: Washington
Comment: Brooks thinks Steve Walsh can play quarterback.
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Team: 15. Detroit (1-2)
Opponent: Chicago
Comment: Wayne Fontes have anything to do with slow start? Nah.
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Team: 16. San Diego (2-1)
Opponent: at Oakland
Comment: Chargers have two sacks already, doubling expectations.
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Team: 17. Chicago (1-2)
Opponent: at Detroit
Comment: How about 1-15 with only win coming against Dallas?
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Team: 18. Carolina (2-0)
Opponent: San Francisco
Comment: Time to bring the Panthers down to earth.
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Team: 19. New England (1-2)
Opponent: Jacksonville
Comment: Patriots see how to use Drew Bledsoe--hand off to Curtis Martin.
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Team: 20. Baltimore (1-2)
Opponent: Idle
Comment: These mutts belong in a Dawg Pound.
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Team: 21. Cincinnati (1-2)
Opponent: Idle
Comment: Garrison Hearst is unhappy, which entitles him to be Bengal fan.
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Team: 22. Atlanta (0-2)
Opponent: Philadelphia
Comment: Time to start watching the Braves.
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Team: 23. Oakland (1-2)
Opponent: San Diego
Comment: No hot water in showers last week; not enough PSLs sold.
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Team: 24. Jacksonville (1-2)
Opponent: at New England
Comment: If you can’t beat Raiders, call it a season.
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Team: 25. Seattle (0-3)
Opponent: at Tampa Bay
Comment: Seahawks against Buccaneers and there’s a charge to watch.
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Team: 26. New Orleans (0-3)
Opponent: Arizona
Comment: Mora. Mora. Mora the same.
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Team: 27. Arizona (0-3)
Opponent: at New Orleans
Comment: This will shake up Saints: Boomer Esiason out, Kent Graham in.
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Team: 28. New York Jets (0-3)
Opponent: N.Y. Giants
Comment: Imagine Jets leaping into the stands in New York after a score.
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Team: 29. New York Giants (0-3)
Opponent: at N.Y. Jets
Comment: Imagine Giants scoring.
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Team: 30. Tampa Bay (0-3)
Opponent: Seattle
Comment: No-hitters for Hideo Nomo, Buccaneers.
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