The Last Hero Is Too Large for the Television Screen

Joe DiMaggio was so suspicious of this country’s fascination with him that he once considered suing Paul Simon, interpreting the song, “Where Have You Gone, Joe DiMaggio?” as an indictment of him for somehow failing America.

For a better understanding of the lyrics, as well as his legend, DiMaggio should watch HBO’s documentary tonight that goes by the same name as the Simon & Garfunkel song.

Mario Cuomo, New York’s former governor and a lifelong Yankee fan, says, “What Paul Simon was trying to say in the middle of the ‘60s is: What has happened to virtue? What has happened to the old heroes? What has happened to the idols of my youth?”

Besides Cuomo, others who spoke eloquently about DiMaggio include George Bush, authors David Halberstam and Gay Talese and former baseball players Bob Feller, Reggie Jackson, Phil Rizzuto and Tommy Henrich. Still suspicious, DiMaggio, 82, refused to participate.

I’m not sure how much insight he could have provided. The documentary is less about him than the impact he had on pre-baby boom America, the last hero too large to fit into a television screen.

All of us can marvel at the numbers, especially from the magical 1941 season, when he hit in 56 consecutive games and finished with a .357 batting average, 30 home runs and, most remarkable, 13 strikeouts in 541 plate appearances. Those who watched him play also recall his elegance on the basepaths, his ease in center field, his ability to make the game look effortless.

It was a lie. DiMaggio chain-smoked in the dugout, drank half a cup of coffee between innings and was wound so tight that he never established a camaraderie with other ballplayers, including teammates.

When his hitting streak came to an end in Cleveland, he bade an early good night to his dinner companion, Rizzuto, and spent the rest of the evening alone in a bar.

Not until he met Marilyn Monroe was DiMaggio ever able to return the love he received. In the days before her death, according to HBO, they were planning to remarry.

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It tells you how much college football has changed when UCLA has more trouble with teams from Oregon than Texas. . . .

Or when the Big Ten’s leading contender for the Rose Bowl besides Michigan and Penn State is Purdue. . . .

Former Purdue coach Jim Colletto has gone from the Boilermakers to the fire, taking the heat as offensive coordinator for a Notre Dame team that has failed to score in the third quarter in six of seven games. . . .

He didn’t inspire confidence when he said after Saturday’s loss to USC, “You hardly watch the game when you’re calling the plays. You just respond to situations.” . . .

Seattle’s George Karl wanted to replace Dean Smith at North Carolina but confesses, “I don’t know if I’m qualified to coach college basketball.” . . .

On the other hand, another Tar Heel, Bob McAdoo, says he’s not interested in returning to campus. . . .

“The college game has too many rules and restrictions,” says the Heat assistant and former Laker. . . .

I’m guessing the people in Chapel Hill will learn to live with the disappointment. . . .

How impressed is New Jersey’s Jayson Williams with new teammate Keith Van Horn, the rookie from Diamond Bar who played at Utah? . . .

“I’m telling you, he’s the best rookie since Michael Jordan, and I’ll bet 31,000 square feet of house on it,” Williams says. . . .

The NBA’s most surprising rookie so far is USC’s Rodrick Rhodes, challenging Matt Maloney and Brent Price to become Houston’s starting point guard. . . .

The Chicago Bulls were handicapped during that tournament in Paris, taking the court each afternoon against six Europeans. . . .

One was Toni Kukoc, who shot two for 18 from the field in Chicago’s two victories. . . .

This will not come as news in Los Angeles. Mike Shanahan said last week that Al Davis is “a bad man.” . . .

The only surprise is that Shanahan said it the week before his Denver Broncos played at Oakland. He didn’t take it back when given the opportunity, although he did say he thought his remarks were off the record. . . .

I couldn’t have said it better myself. The Cleveland Plain Dealer calls the Indians’ American League pennant the “No-Belle Prize.”

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While wondering what took Bill Parcells so long to find out the truth about Neil O’Donnell, I was thinking: All Parcells had to do was read Keyshawn Johnson’s book, I was pretty sure from the beginning of the season the game between the Giants and Lions would be a big one, maybe Larry Brown was the Raiders’ problem.