THE TIMES RANKINGS BY CHRIS DUFRESNE : 1-25

Team: Comment

1. North Carolina (1-0): Rankings chairman announces poll-tax increase after sloppy victory over Indiana.

2. Florida (2-0): Spurrier beats youngest son in Candy Land, 82-6.

3. Penn State (1-0): Paterno could score 100 against Temple, but won’t.

4. Washington (1-0): Well, 42-20 should take care of that WAC chatter, huh?

5. Florida State (1-0): Look out when Bowden figures out he’s starting his third-best quarterback.

6. Nebraska (1-0): Osborne: “Central Florida? I swore I ordered a Caesar salad and Central Michigan.”

7. Tennessee (2-0): Manning, winless against Florida, buys pizzas for students; it’s the least he can do.

8. Colorado (1-0): Going out on a limb: Michigan game decided on first play.

9. Ohio State (1-0): Buckeyes take weekend off to go Bowling (Green).

10. Louisiana State (1-0): Mississippi State no gimme with Kevin Faulk walking around like Walter Brennan and not expected to play.

11. Stanford (1-0): Throwing against Carolina secondary will be like spitting into the wind.

12. Miami (1-0): Suspended WR Jammi German threatens to take NCAA to court; of course, he’ll need a limo.

13. Notre Dame (1-0): There would have been a few more busted pipes had the Irish lost that opener.

14. Texas (1-0): Programming note: UCLA won’t begin play against Texas until third quarter.

15. Auburn (1-0): Terry Bowden effigy returns to storage . . . for now.

16. Arizona State (1-0): Expedition locates lost football program in AP poll cavern.

17. Alabama (2-0): Tide cancels “Welcome Unscrupulous Agents” weekend in Tuscaloosa.

18. Michigan (0-0): Decisions: “Paper or plastic, Griese or Dreisbach?” Carr opts for paper and Griese.

19. USC (0-1): Halftime card show to honor memory of Student Body Right.

20. Clemson (1-0): Never dreamed the Tigers would have to practice for North Carolina State.

21. Iowa (1-0): After wiping out Northern Iowa, school seeks home-and-home with Prairie View.

22. West Virginia (2-0): Mountaineers are a safe bet to level Boston College.

23. Virginia Tech (1-0): Hokies can rid the season of Syracuse with Saturday victory.

24. Colorado State (1-1): Rams hanging on to rankings ledge by the tips of their hoofs.

25. North Carolina State (2-0). I’ve always said Tobacco Road is football country.