An American Classic Gets Polynesian Twist

Even Rhett Butler would give a darn about this.

Discussing literature in his book “The Princess & the Package,” publicist Michael Levine refers to “Ibsen’s Nora, Puzo’s Michael Corleone, Pasternak’s Zhivago, Mead’s Scarlett O’Hara . . . .”

Well, fiddle-dee-dee.

Wrong Margaret there, Michael.

Anthropologist Margaret Mead was the author of “Coming of Age in Samoa” and several other books. Margaret Mitchell, who wrote “Gone With the Wind,” was closer to Savannah than Samoa.

ON THE ROAD: While visiting Massachusetts, Irwin Rosten of Los Angeles came upon what appeared to be a Post Office/Cafe/Cabaret (see photo).

What a great way to remove the tedium from waiting in line at the post office! I can almost hear the maitre d’ singing:

Come hear the band

Come blow your horn

Start celebrating

Right this way

Your stamps are waiting . . . .

WRITE 100 TIMES ON THE BLACKBOARD . . . : Carrie Martin of Huntington Beach found a group that should be more careful when spelling its name (see accompanying).

AND YOU CAN HAVE IT RIGHT AT YOUR DESK: Gary Bolen of Valencia wonders if the “back facial” is the “perfect gift for the two-faced back-stabbing executive” (see accompanying).

YOU NEVER STOP LEARNING: Actor Jay Mohr held a seminar, “Actors: How to Get the Part,” at the Learning Annex extension school--just before his Fox comedy series “Action” was canceled.

Perhaps Mohr will take a new Learning Annex course, “How to Succeed in Show Business,” taught by actor/director Richard Masur.

Of course, after being defeated for reelection as president of the Screen Actors Guild, Masur himself might think about taking the Learning Annex’s “Golf: Join the Craze!”

NUMBERS GAME: Richard Foss of El Segundo sent along a Manhattan Beach police report form, which lists several phone numbers, including:

“Emergency 991.”

It’s supposed to say 911 of course. “Though dialing 991 in the U.S.A. does nothing,” Foss said, “991 is the area code for part of southern India. I’d hate to have to wait for help to come from there.”

STRIKING OUT WITH DISNEY: In an interview with USA Today, Disney boss Michael Eisner says that, though annual earnings have fallen, “the fact is we have a fastball in our products, our [theme] parks, our movies and networks.”

Ironic that he would use a baseball allusion when the Angels have fared so poorly under Disney’s ownership--and just allowed their best fastball pitcher to sign with Cleveland.

HOW’S THAT AGAIN? OK, let’s synchronize our calendars here--you don’t want to miss the big celebration. The latest issue of the Mountain Views newspaper of Sierra Madre contains a story on “the last City Council meeting of the 21st century.”

The 21st century?

Back up.

Which the newspaper does in a nearby photo caption. It mentions a Citizen of the Year Award ceremony “on Jan. 28, 1000.”

miscelLAny:

Frank Williams of Rancho Cucamonga points out that the city of Redlands’ cemetery supervisor is named Don Graves.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.