Older and Wiser

If your ego is fragile, don’t try to get a book published.

When retired USC professor Lillian Hawthorne looked for a publisher for her book “Finishing Touches: An Insightful Look Into the Mirror of Aging,” she described it as an ego-assaulting experience.

She finally found Elder Books, a small publisher in Northern California that specializes in nonfiction related to aging.

Hawthorne, who will be at Borders at 11 a.m. Thursday to discuss and sign her book, wrote it from her perspective as a seventysomething senior who knows about aging up close and personal.

“I hoped I could be a voice to articulate what other people have felt and experienced,” said Hawthorne, who lives in a retirement community in Camarillo with her husband.

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Still, she didn’t expect to take rejections from other publishers so personally. “You put so much of yourself into this--particularly a book like this which has so much of me, my peers and my generation--but it’s me on the line there.”

Hawthorne has written for other publications, including professional journals and Get Up and Go magazine (formerly Senior World), for which she wrote a bimonthly column.

Meanwhile, Hawthorne continues to accumulate new insights and experiences--especially some of the pluses and minuses of retirement. Which brings up her advice for newly retired couples.

“You have to redefine your roles with each other,” she said. “It’s difficult for men more than women because women have always had other kinds of support systems and activities.”

She noted a research project she was involved in where long-term couples were asked separately to identify their closest friends. The women named other women; the men named their wives.

Hawthorne has more suggestions, such as being willing to take some risks and try something new. She took her own advice and now does book reviews for a local TV channel. Interestingly, as a critic she finds that the fiction market has shrunk and much of it is poor.

Wonder if some fiction writer took that personally.

HAPPENINGS

* Sunday, 2 to 4 p.m. The Conejo Valley Poetry Society will present a concert featuring poets reading their work accompanied by improvisational music, percussion and dance. $2. Thousand Oaks Community Gallery, 2331-A Borchard Road, Newbury Park, 1-888-975-1239.

* Sunday, 2:30 p.m. Olympian John Naber, author of “Awaken the Olympian Within: Stories from America’s Greatest Olympic Motivators,” will discuss his book, joined by fellow Olympian Terry Shroeder. Calabasas Barnes & Noble, 4735 Commons Way, 1-818-222-0542. The event will be repeated at 7:30 p.m. Friday at the Thousand Oaks Barnes & Noble, 160 S. Westlake Blvd., Thousand Oaks, 446-2820.

* Monday, 11 a.m to 4 p.m. Daniel McFeeley, illustrator of Laura Schlessinger’s children’s books, including “Why Do You Love Me?,” will be doing illustrations for their upcoming book, “But I Waaaannt It!” He will take breaks from drawing to sign copies of “Why Do You Love Me?” and talk about both books. Borders, 125 W. Thousand Oaks Blvd., Thousand Oaks, 497-8159.

* Tuesday, 4 to 8 p.m. Robin C. Westmiller will sign her book, “Red Wine For Breakfast.” Paper Depot, 1321 E. Thousand Oaks Blvd., Thousand Oaks. The event will be repeated from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Wednesday, 373-0596.

* Tuesday, 7 p.m. The Short Stories Group will discuss “The Oxford Book of American Short Stories” edited by Joyce Carol Oates, and the Partners in Crime Mystery Group will discuss Anne Perry’s “Silence in Hanover Close.” Borders, 497-8159.

* Tuesday, 7 p.m. The Friends of Dorothy Reading Group will discuss “Harlan’s Race” by Patricia Nell Warren. Ventura Barnes & Noble, 4360 E. Main St., 339-9170.

* Wednesday, 4 p.m. Hear the children’s story of “Old Turtle” by Douglas Wood and then meet the turtle himself. Borders, 497-8159.

* Wednesday, 7 p.m. The West Ventura County Chapter of Small Publishers, Artists and Writers Network will feature Eugenie Wheeler, coauthor of “Sexual Challenges: Navigating Your Course Through Troubled Waters to Loving Relationships” and “Living Creatively with Chronic Illness.” The Book Mall, 105 S. Oak St., Ventura, 646-3045.

* Thursday, 9 a.m. to 11 p.m. Senior Appreciation Day. Continental breakfast from 9:30 to 11:30 a.m. Discussion by retired USC Professor Lillian Hawthorne at 11 a.m. Borders, 497-8159.

* Thursday, 6:45-7:30 p.m. Family sing-along with Heidi House. Refreshments served. Reservations appreciated. Adventures for Kids, 3457 Telegraph Road, Ventura, 650-9688.

* Friday, 7 p.m. Reba’s First Book Club, a new monthly story time that benefits a national organization that gives disadvantaged children new books of their own. Ventura Barnes & Noble, 339-9170.

* Friday, 8 p.m. Discussion of “Spirits of the Revolution,” a novel of the United States and Cuba written by Havana-born, L.A.-bred author Luis Gonzalez. Ventura Barnes & Noble, 339-9170.

* Saturday, 10 a.m to noon. The Conejo Valley Poetry Society will sponsor “Books and/as Art,” a workshop that covers publishing from mainstream to small presses, by Michael Collings, Pepperdine University professor and POET magazine contributor. Participants will create a handmade book of their work. Cost: $20. Call to preregister at 1-888-975-1239. Thousand Oaks Community Gallery.

* Saturday, 7:30 p.m. William Rose will discuss and sign “Relationship Styles and Patterns.” Ventura Barnes & Noble, 339-9170.

* Saturday, 7 p.m. Pajamamania features “It’s a Spoon, Not a Shovel,” “Thingamajig Book of Manners” and “Bad Habits.” Borders, 497-8159.

Catch you next week.

Information about book signings, writers groups or publishing events can be faxed to Ann Shields at 647-5649 or e-mailed to anns40aol.com