It Just Figures U.S. Will Rally in Grand Style

Time to be a prognosticator. I do this about once every 10 years. Last time, I called the shot on the Clippers being the dominant NBA franchise of the ‘90s.

Here goes: This is what will happen today in the Davis Cup, currently being played amid much circumstance and even more pomp at the venerable Great Western Forum. This is what will have come to pass late in the afternoon, after the Czech Republic will have done its best to say Bye, Bye American Pie. This is what will happen to the Czech’s current 2-1 lead in this best-of-five quarterfinal.

Andre Agassi and Pete Sampras will each win a match. The U.S team, labeled the “best-ever” in Davis Cup history, will become the “best-ever” with an asterisk. As in: *Best-ever by the skin of its teeth. The Japanese had a phrase for what the Czechs have done. They have awakened a sleeping giant.

There’s no homerism involved here. Life will go on just fine on our freeways and surfboards if the Czechs win. I call this shot by following the most basic rule of thumb in sports, the “It Just Figures” rule. In this case, it just figures that the greatest team ever assembled by one country to play for the Davis Cup, captained by the brightest, most outspoken, most outrageous and most colorful captain ever, would make this projected three-act play into a weekend melodrama. It wasn’t supposed to happen this way, so it just figures that it did.

The second result of this will be that all will be forgiven and forgotten. And, after Saturday’s three-set shocker by the Czech doubles team over Alex O’Brien and Jared Palmer, currently the best team in the world, “all” is a ton of stuff.

Forgiven and forgotten will be:

* The hurt feelings of the Czech Republic team, over having had the wrong national anthem played for them Friday. An apology from the U.S. Tennis Assn. was read over the public address system about 10 minutes before the scheduled start of the doubles match, just about the time the typical late-arriving L.A. sports fan was exiting the 405 Freeway.

* Capt. John McEnroe’s rip of star player Sampras, who lost the opening match Friday. McEnroe said Saturday, “I don’t feel he worked hard enough. I don’t feel any of us have worked hard enough. He has to work hard. You have to forget about the fact that you’ve won all these things . . . It’s not like it’s some headline to me . . . I think he knows that. We’ll see.”

* Capt. McEnroe’s rip of his entire team. “I just know that we’re acting like spoiled kids, basically . . . You know, you just, like, expect it to happen without having to work for it. Like rich, like my kids, actually.”

* Capt. McEnroe’s rip of the media’s reporting of the first day of the Davis Cup. “What I don’t like is your [the media’s] sort of negativity toward it . . . Like, you write they missed the Czech national anthem, and all of a sudden that’s a big deal. It makes people be less into the Davis Cup. I just don’t understand why, or that Andre wasn’t at the ceremony. These types of things that are just negative . . . There’s been some positive press . . . but it’s discouraging to see the nit-picking. It’s embarrassing. You should be embarrassed of yourselves to sort of belittle it.”

* The hurt feelings of Laker Vice President Jeanie Buss, who felt the sting of some criticism for whatever role she played--certainly with blessings and even guidance from the USTA and the sanctioning International Tennis Federation--in orchestrating an event atmosphere that, at times, had more the feel of the World Wrestling Federation than the Davis Cup. Saturday’s festivities began with smoke and fire and rockets and loud explosions and spotlights and an announcer blaring: “Southern California, are you ready to rock?” McEnroe, when asked if he thought the atmosphere was good for Davis Cup or a bit over the top, replied, “Both.”

* The hurt feelings of veteran public address announcer Sam Lagana, who felt his mandate had been to hype it up so the crowd would really get into it and who also felt the sting of some criticism for that afterward. “Nobody [in authority] ever said I went over the line,” Lagana said. “At 3-1 of the third set, the guy sitting with me from the USTA told me to get the crowd into it, so I tried. And there was somebody from the ITF, on the floor with a headset, and not one word was ever said to me about going over the top.”

Yes, all that, and much more, will be forgiven and forgotten. Winning does that.

Winning will make this into a sort of McEnroe fairly tale, the magic man taking over the spot he has wanted forever and immediately hauling his first team from the very jaws of defeat that make him so crazy. A hockey team once performed a comeback in this building that was labeled “The Miracle on Manchester.” This one will be the same, only with a Roman numeral: II.

Buss will feel much better because there were people lined up for tickets Saturday after the match, necessitating the opening of some additional windows to handle the crush and likely expanding today’s crowd so some of the seat-hiding curtains can come down. She has tried for more than 10 years to get a Davis Cup here, and winning one with a packed house will make it all OK.

Lagana won’t be here, but not because he doesn’t want to be. He is an executive at the L.A. Athletic Club and had to handle the Wooden Awards dinner Friday night. And he is the public address announcer for the Avengers, who open at Staples Center today. So Saturday was his only shot--”a dream of a lifetime,” he called it--and Dennis Packer will take over the mike today. A win will give Lagana memories of working the P.A. for a winning effort.

As for McEnroe forgiving and forgetting? Forget it. That kind of touchy-feely stuff might ruin him, and ruin it for all of us who love him just the way he is.

Today will be easy. Agassi and Sampras will win, we’ll all go back to our freeways and surfboards with smiles on our faces, and McEnroe will start being tormented about the next Davis Cup round.

Remember. You read it here.

Oh yes, and Go Clippers.