You Don’t Need Miracles if Lakers Are Ready

The high points, low points and ticklish talking points of the weekend that was:

You don’t have to believe in the Lakers (not enough bench scoring? a history of being swept? no designated hackers?) but you’ve got to believe in somebody.

* Do you believe in the San Antonio Spurs?

I would put all faith in Tim Duncan, David Robinson & Co., except that they’ve already lost at home to Phoenix, Duncan’s knee may keep him for another game or two, and even if he plays Game 2, will his knee recover fully?

* Do you believe in the ultra-deep, ultra-moody Portland Trail Blazers?

I would stand behind Rasheed Wallace and Scottie Pippen, except that I’m never sure if Wallace is going to hit 30 points or get hit with two technicals, and do you wince or close your eyes when Steve Smith or Brian Grant try to create a shot in the panicky final seconds?

* Do you believe in the fascinating Indiana Pacers?

I would love any team that has home-court advantage in the East, especially when that home is Conseco Fieldhouse, except that I guarantee that if they have to face Philadelphia, they lose, and I believe that Rik Smits winning an NBA title is a sign of the apocalypse.

* Do you believe in the always charming Utah Jazz?

I would vouch for Karl Malone and John Stockton any time (and they got the break of the season when they drew Seattle), except they’ve had 14 shots at this and only Susan Lucci overcame a streak that long.

* Do you believe in the New York Knicks, Miami Heat, Philadelphia 76ers or Toronto Raptors?

I would give them all a great chance, except the Knicks got every break last season, and things always even out; except Miami couldn’t score 100 if they played six quarters, except 76er Coach Larry Brown would consider beating Indiana better than a title, and except that Vince Carter will get broadsided, what, about 15 times by the Knicks.

* Do you believe in the Lakers?

You’ve got to believe in somebody, no exceptions.

THE BIG PICTURE

The baseballs are flying, the new ballparks are multiplying and there are so many things we still need to figure out, less than a month into Baseball 2000:

* If Kevin Elster and Mike Bordick each hit 40 home runs this season, will it prove once and for all that, more than anything else, it has to be bad pitching that has jacked up scoring to record levels?

* If this keeps up, or gets even worse, somebody might hit 1,000 home runs in his career, and I nominate Vladimir Guerrero.

* Maybe Elster can’t keep it up, but you also know that Gary Sheffield might only be beginning to warm up.

* Did the Met players urge Manager Bobby Valentine to take out lineup card on Saturday against the Chicago Cubs so Don Baylor would shake his hand, or beat him up?

* What does it tell us about both leagues that the Dodgers and White Sox each outscored the Phoenix Suns’ first-quarter output on Saturday? And that it wasn’t even really a strange day, for either league?

* The great thing about Angel ace Ken Hill is that he’s making the world safe for 8.00 ERA pitchers. He’s ahead of his time--in the future, everybody but Pedro Martinez will be above 9.00.

* If Darin Erstad wins the batting title, in front of all those Angel boppers, he might score 180 runs this season.

* Until Sunday, the Yankees were only AL team without a 10-run game this season. My automatic choice for World Series champion.

WEEKEND TALKING POINTS

1. Butch Carter rips Bob Knight, sues Marcus Camby: Now all the Raptor coach has to do is slap a Beverly Hills police officer and get divorced three more times and he will have become Zsa Zsa Gabor!

2. NBA injury list: Finally, after 82 grinding games, the league presents its postseason showcase, featuring all the great stars, except, of course, Tim Duncan, Tim Hardaway, Jason Kidd and your normal amount of common sense.

3. Karl Malone: I don’t know what business he has scoring 50 points in a playoff game when he’s almost 50 himself, but God bless him.

4. Five NBA first-round games in 13 days: Second round won’t start until May 6 or 7. George Foreman gets more rounds in per week, and he’s retired.

5. Avengers’ Arena Football: Reminds me of American League baseball . . . almost as much scoring.

6. Home run derby: Have you seen the ESPN highlights lately? I hear the Cardinals lost a game, 7 home runs to 5.

7. Kings, so long: It’s not a disappointment, because we know that playing well in the regular season is what it’s all about in the NHL.

8. NHL, the rest of the way: All I know about handicapping playoff hockey can be summed up in three words--Take Patrick Roy.

9. Keith Closs, street-fightin’ 7-footer: The good news--Laila Ali, Butterbean and Mike Tyson are vying to take on Closs. Problem is, they’ll fight him at once.

10. Baby Espen: Naming a child after a media conglomerate is an interesting way to get attention. But why not . . . Mel Kiper III?

LEADING QUESTIONS/

Are you thinking that Saturday’s brutal Detroit Tiger-Chicago White Sox brawl might only be the first of many this season?

Not only with those two teams--cheap-shot artist Bobby Higginson, I would watch my back if I were you--but all over major league baseball?

Isn’t it natural (if ugly) that eventually, after watching all these home runs fly so far out of these ballparks, after giving up so much of the inside part of the plate to lunging power hitters, pitchers are bound to go high and tight often and angrily?

And, with the lack of good pitching, if baseball doesn’t do something, either raise the mound or open up the strike zone or reduce the amount of padding batters can wear to the plate, is this the only, desperate way to re- balance the game?