Now It’s Dial 10 to Get Into Playoffs

News item: The Southern Section announced last week that any team with 10 victories will qualify for the boys’ and girls’ basketball playoffs.

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Some time this spring, a Division I basketball coach will emerge from his office and triumphantly declare that he has just scheduled his 10th nonleague game against a tiny Division V-A school.

Players will dogpile in the quad, thrusting their fists to the air while yelling, “We’re No. 1!”

Why wait for something as anticlimactic as winning a league championship?

Celebrate now.

You’re postseason-bound.

The playoffs are now within the grasp of any large-school team that can reach for a Southern Section phone directory.

The magic number just became whatever seven digits connect you to an athletic director at a school half your size.

Scheduling will be more important than practice.

Just call and line up the 10 tiniest schools you can find, beat them into submission and go to the playoffs.

Don’t worry about where you finish in league. It doesn’t matter anymore. In fact, don’t even show up for league games.

It would be senseless to get a starter injured while playing a meaningless league game.

You’ve already clinched a berth with those hard-fought victories at the La Verne Lutheran tournament.

Just win 10, baby.

That’s the only requirement. Doesn’t matter who they’re against.

If a school with 3,000 students wants to set up a home-and-away series with every member of the tiny Westside League, so be it.

The Southern Section might even reward you with a home game in the first round.

Southern Section: “Congratulations, School XYZ. Based on your victories over Pacific Christian, Mesrobian and the rest of the International League, you will host the Marmonte League champions in the Division I-AA playoffs.”

No need to fight over these patsies, everyone.

From the Academy of Academic Excellence in Anaheim to Zinsmeyer Academy in Long Beach, there’s plenty to go around for everyone desiring a cheap date to the dance.

Any time more than 10 teenagers stand together for more than 15 minutes, the Southern Section declares it a Division V-A school and charges a membership fee.

More than 100 boys’ and girls’ teams from the region won 10 or more games last season without the motivation of earning an automatic playoff spot.

About half of them made the playoffs.

The Southern Section says the expanded format was necessitated by the dearth of Division I and V teams. Instead of turning away a team worthy of playoff inclusion, it figured it could let everyone in and sort things out later.

Remaking the divisions would be too difficult and would cause problems when teams get to the state playoffs.

This way, almsot everyone is rewarded, whether deserving or not.

No one has to do any hard math, a bunch of 10-18 teams get to be pummeled in first-round and wild-card games and the section office gets a cut of more gate receipts.

Of course, we have to make things a little more equitable for the helpless teams that will line the path to playoff glory.

There are precedents.

About 10 years ago, Highland Hall, enrollment 65, was invited to play in the Hart boys’ tournament. In exchange for total submission, the tournament agreed to waive Highland Hall’s entry fee.

Hart got a 16th team to round out its tournament bracket, two teams got 70-point victories and Highland Hall received a free basketball clinic.

Everyone was happy.

But I urge all the small schools to drive a much harder bargain.

After all, you hold in your hands the fate of several desperate Division I, II, III and IV teams.

Demand half the gate receipts. Maybe more. Make the big schools dress in the visitors’ locker room . . . and insist on a free meal, in addition to the lunch they’re about to hand you.

As far as deals go, that might be the “Perfect 10.”