Cowboys Crash the Party

So this is what they mean when they say, “Last one in is a rotten egg.”

But the stench is overwhelming. The Cowboys grabbed the final berth in the playoffs with an 8-8 record, but lost the opportunity to be the first NFC team to be knocked out of the playoffs next week because they play Sunday in Minnesota, while the toothless Lions play Saturday at Washington.

“We have the opportunity to go and do something that has never been done before,” said Dallas Coach Chan Gailey, leaving open the possibility that the Cowboys will come to their senses and reject the NFL’s postseason bid.

The Cowboys had to prevent the Giants (7-9)--a team that cannot score and a team that knew before the game it was eliminated from the playoffs unless it could outscore Dallas by 81 points--from recovering an onside kick in order to win, 26-18, before 63,767 in Texas Stadium.

Dallas’ win, coupled with the Lions’ fourth consecutive defeat, sends two teams into the playoffs that failed to post winning records. The six previous teams that advanced without more wins than losses went 0-6 in the playoffs.

“If David’s fighting Goliath, the one thing you would like to know is if you have a good sling and rocks,” Cowboy owner Jerry Jones said. “I think we have that.”

Most other teams will try to counter with good players, although there is some question if there really is a team worthy of winning the Super Bowl this year.

Scratch the Kansas City Chiefs, a team that reacted like it was still being coached by Marty Schottenheimer, a specialist in ending NFL seasons prematurely.

After jumping out to a 17-0 lead against the Raiders, who had not won in Arrowhead Stadium since Al Davis acted as if he knew what he was doing (1988), the Chiefs needed a 44-yard field goal from Pete Stoyanovich, the NFL’s all-time most accurate kicker from beyond 40 yards, to win the AFC West Division title.

The words “wide left,” however, will now echo through middle America, the “Hicksville Miss” allowing the Raiders to go into overtime and win, 41-38, on Joe Nedney’s 33-yard field goal.

That’s Joe Nedney, who was out of work a few weeks ago, now forcing the Chiefs to pack away their gear.

Raider Coach Jon Gruden went skipping across the field, as happy at winning and knocking the Chiefs out of the playoffs as finding a kicker who didn’t break his heart.

The Raiders, who made a habit of losing games by seven or fewer points this season, will now join teams such as the New York Jets, Carolina Panthers and San Diego Chargers that will contend they are better than many of the teams who are in the playoffs.

Shoot, throw in the Philadelphia Eagles (5-11), who knocked off the St. Louis Rams (13-3)--the team many are picking to roll into Atlanta and win the Super Bowl.

Can’t anybody around here play the game? Seattle (9-7) and Miami (9-7) are in the playoffs and matched against each other in the Kingdome, and while league rules call for sudden death, maybe an adjustment should be made to put both of them out of their misery.

But here they are, the only 12 teams in the NFL who still have the chance of winning Super Bowl XXXIV:

AFC

* Jacksonville (14-2) finished with the AFC’s best record and first-round bye because it didn’t play anyone worth a hoot other than Tennessee (13-3). The Jaguars lost twice to the Titans, the only team on their schedule that finished with a winning record. They beat Cincinnati with quarterback Jay Fiedler, but will need quarterback Mark Brunell to recover from a sprained knee--unless of course they get to play Miami.

* Indianapolis (13-3) was trying to win its last game, playing Peyton Manning into the third quarter, which makes the final 31-6 loss to Buffalo and backup quarterback Rob Johnson all the more troubling. The Colts get a first-round bye, and constant reminders from now on that Coach Jim Mora is 0-4 in the playoffs.

* Tennessee bombed its final two opponents, Jacksonville and Pittsburgh, and was the only AFC team to go undefeated at home. But it opens the playoffs with the toughest game, matched against the Bills, who rank No. 1 on defense.

* Buffalo (11-5) is a much better team with Johnson than with Doug Flutie running around in a lather, but Flutie will be matched against the Titans. Next season Johnson will be in command.

* Seattle lost to the New York Jets, but won the AFC West title because of its two wins over the Chiefs and Kansas City’s choking routine versus Oakland. The Seahawks have not been to the playoffs since 1988, making this season’s appearance officially a fluke.

* Miami will now move its “Dan Marino Farewell Tour”--or is it the “Jimmy Johnson Farewell Tour”?--to the Kingdome. Thanks for the memories, all right: the Dolphins, like the Seahawks, were 8-2 at one time this season.

NFC

* St. Louis dominated its opponents, and looks faster and more potent on artificial turf, where it will remain all the way to the Super Bowl if successful. The Rams, who have a bye, played only one team (Tennessee) with a winning record and lost.

* Tampa Bay (11-5) gets a first-round bye, a good thing for a team with no offense. The Buccaneers clinched their first NFC Central title in 18 years--if only they had thought of benching Trent Dilfer earlier. But if Tampa Bay is the second-best team in the NFC, the Rams have it made.

* Washington (10-6) won the NFC Least when a rookie running back from San Francisco fumbled, preventing the 49ers from kicking a winning field goal. Coach Norv Turner saved his job--unless he tanks it against the Lions.

* Minnesota (10-6) gets a bye too, playing the Cowboys. The Vikings have been coming on strong with Jeff George at quarterback, and that’s as weird to write as it is to say. The Vikings are explosive enough to wipe out anyone, but Dennis Green is still coaching this team, and he has both hands wrapped around his neck.

* Dallas wrote off the season after a loss to New Orleans, and fans and local media were suggesting that it might be better for the team to lose and draw a better player in the NFL draft than go on the road and get smacked in the playoffs. Last season, the Cowboys opened the playoffs at home and lost to the Arizona Cardinals, 20-7, which is very difficult to do.

* Detroit is dead, it just doesn’t know it. If only Barry Sanders would return the Lions’ phone calls. If only the Packers would loan them Brett Favre. If only it was the best three out of five.

Of the 12 teams that advanced to the playoffs last season, only five returned, including the Cowboys, who are living under a star.

Off last season’s showing in the playoffs, the Cardinals were going to be this season’s promising contender, only to finish 6-10--like most seasons.

Denver, the defending two-time Super Bowl champions, finished 6-10, good enough to secure the all-important easy fifth-place schedule in the AFC West, while the Falcons, their most recent Super Bowl opponent, sit 4-11.

It has been that kind of season. Tonight San Francisco and Atlanta, a collective 8-22, will finish this exciting campaign, and then the mad rush for Super Bowl XXXIV, to be played in the Georgia Dome on Jan. 30, will begin.

For Cardinal fans, that’s that big game they play at the end of every season.

NFL / WEEK 17

Oakland 41, Kansas City 38 (OT): Raiders knock Chiefs out of playoffs on Joe Nedney’s 33-yard field goal in overtime. Page 5

New York Jets 19, Seattle 9: Seahawks lose five of last six, but still manage to squeak into playoffs when Chiefs lose. Page 5

Washington 21, Miami 10: Another lackluster performance from Dan Marino, but it doesn’t keep Dolphins from backing into the postseason. Page 5

Jacksonville 24, Cincinnati 7: Jaguars clinch home-field advantage through the AFC playoffs with win over inept Bengals. Page 6

Buffalo 31, Indianapolis 6: Doug Flutie is given the game off and Rob Johnson leads Bills to a season-high in total yards in his place. Page 6

Green Bay 49, Arizona 24: Big Packer victory doesn’t salvage their season; Rhodes and staff reportedly fired after game. Page 7

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THE REST

* Philadelphia 38, St. Louis 31

* Tampa Bay 20, Chicago 6

* New England 20, Baltimore 3

* Tennessee 47, Pittsburgh 36

* San Diego 12, Denver 6

* Dallas 26, New York Giants 18

* Minnesota 24, Detroit 17

* Carolina 45, New Orleans 13