Who Says There Are No Guarantees in NFL Life?

The genius of Miami Coach Jimmy Johnson is that he thinks of things that his peers do not.

Coaches such as St. Louis’ Dick Vermeil prepare for the playoffs by hiring more security guards, locking the team’s parking lot and ordering his players to hide from the media.

Maybe Tennessee Coach Jeff Fisher knew ahead of time that Phil Luckett was going to referee and throw the game in the Titans’ favor against the Bills, but what’s he going to do this week against the Colts?

Washington’s Norv Turner does what owner Dan Snyder says, and Jacksonville Coach Tom Coughlin does whatever he thinks his idol, Bill Parcells, would do. Chan Gailey might be doing something other than coaching the Cowboys next season because he didn’t look as if he knew what he was doing.

But Johnson’s a renegade, an independent kind of thinker who is willing to gamble to win it all. We’re talking genius here.

You know what he did before Sunday’s playoff game with the Seahawks? It was so novel, so shocking that his players were still prattling on about it in their locker room long after beating Seattle.

Johnson told his team before the game that they were going to beat the Seahawks.

Now why didn’t Mike Holmgren think of that?

“I told the CBS crew [Saturday night] we were going to win the game,” Johnson said.

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, concerned about post-defeat syndrome, offered a front page story Monday with advice from a clinical psychologist on how to deal with the Seahawks’ loss.

Had the CBS crew come clean and relayed that news a day earlier, the locals might have braced for the agony of defeat, knowing what was to come.

“I told the players we were going to win,” Johnson said. “I said, ‘Don’t worry about winning the game. We are going to win the game.’ ”

That changed everything for the Dolphins.

“That gave us the confidence to win,” Miami wide receiver Oronde Gadsden said. “He’s only told us that twice this year, and both times we won.”

The other time?

“Before the San Diego game,” he said with a straight face.

Forget that predicting a win over the Chargers--and the team the Chargers beat twice in the regular season--is not exactly going out on a limb. The facts are in the results. The Dolphins have won only two of their last seven games, and in both instances they won only because Johnson told them they were going to win.

If Johnson were really smart, of course, he would have told his team before every game that they were going to win, and then they would have had a first-round bye and home-field advantage through the playoffs. Maybe that’s what Don Shula did when the 1972 Dolphins went 17-0.

If this catches on, obviously nobody’s going to lose anymore, but it won’t.

After Minnesota defeated the Cowboys, wide receiver Randy Moss spoke to a TV crew from Germany. Moss looked into the camera and said, “You all take it easy. The Vikings are going all the way.”

Moss then caught himself--what would you expect, he’s a receiver.

He realized a group of American-pounce-on-any-kind-of-guarantee reporters was nearby, and he quickly pointed out that he was not predicting the Vikings were going all the way to the Super Bowl.

“It was just a figure of speech,” he said, defusing a story that might have rocked the world: “Moss predicts his own team will go to the Super Bowl.”

That’s what happens when someone in sports, who practices all week to win, comes out and says he’s going to win. It’s scandalous.

Seven years ago, Johnson went on a radio show a few days before the Cowboys’ playoff game with San Francisco and said, “Put it in three-inch headlines; we’re going to win,” guaranteeing a victory over the 49ers. The local media immediately attributed Johnson’s remarks to too many Heinekens, but in the light of the next day, Johnson did not retract his comments.

Johnson’s guarantee sent the media into a frenzy, incredulous that a football coach would be so bold, making one wonder how the press might react if a coach announced before a game, “We don’t have a chance in hell of winning this one.”

This would be a good time to find out how the media would react, because the Dolphins don’t have a chance in hell of winning against the Jacksonville Jaguars on Saturday.

The Jaguars have lost only to Tennessee. You could look it up.

Miami’s win over Seattle provided the Jaguars with a reprieve. Instead of playing the Titans and losing for a third time this season, they get the punchless Dolphins. Tom Coughlin is probably telling his players, “I didn’t think we had a chance of winning against the Titans, but you know what? We get Miami--and guys, we’re going to win.”

The Jaguars have lost tackle Tony Boselli for the playoffs and quarterback Mark Brunell is trying to recover from a sore knee. But the defense is in good shape, and it ranks fourth in the league, and the Jaguars have been playing ugly ball, much like the Dolphins, but with a lot more success.

Besides, in the best interest of interesting football, the Dolphins have to step aside. That way all the riffraff will have been removed from the playoffs--now that the Lions and Cowboys have been routed.

The Washington Redskins aren’t very good either, but they can score, and they will put to test another football bromide: “Defense wins championships.” The Redskins certainly don’t play any, and if they defeat Tampa Bay, which can’t score but plays great defense, the winner of Sunday’s Minnesota-St. Louis game will be considered a lock to advance to the Super Bowl.

The Rams had the No. 1 offense in the league, along with the No. 1 passing game, much like Minnesota had a year ago when the Vikings were taken down by the Falcons. The Rams also have the sixth-best defense, the only defense in the NFC that did not allow a 100-yard rusher this season.

But they have Vermeil in charge, and although many consider him the coach of the year, playoff history says he will get tighter and tighter with each passing day, and that might rub off on his playoff-inexperienced team.

Minnesota Coach Dennis Green knows better than to tell anyone that his team is going to win a playoff game, and no one is going to suggest anything differently when noting the Viking defense ranked No. 27. But Vermeil gets tighter, and tighter and tighter. . . .

The Rams and Vikings open Sunday’s play, in what looks to be the best day of playoff football, and will be followed by Tennessee at Indianapolis.

Tennessee was 9-0 in Adelphia Coliseum, but is not too upset about going on the road. Staying at home and listening to the reaction of Peyton Manning’s return to Tennessee would have meant a blow to its organizational ego.

Before last week’s playoff game with Buffalo, the radio sports talk shows in Nashville were loaded with callers wanting to talk about Manning, expressing their desire to see him get the chance to play the Titans, and play well against the Titans.

Not to worry. To sort of quote Jimmy Johnson: Indianapolis “is going to win.”