He Puts Words in Their Mouths

It was Cliche Clearance Day at the Super Bowl on Friday, with two head coaches and a commissioner parading in front of hundreds of reporters for the final time before the big game.

Not to worry. We brought an interpreter.

Paul Tagliabue, NFL commissioner: “It’s unfortunate any team has to move. What [this matchup] does show is that those cities which made commitments to NFL teams will share in the investment they made.”

If you agree to have money scraped from your paycheck every week to buy a stadium for your zillionaire owner, as the dopes in St. Louis and Tennessee have, you have earned the right to come to a cold city for a week in January and pay exorbitant prices to cheer them to a championship.

Dick Vermeil, St. Louis Ram coach: “John Wooden told me when I was working at UCLA, he said, ‘Players win games, but you want to strive to be the coach that wins more games with his players than some other coach coaching your players.’ ”

If we win Sunday, that means I will have outcoached that pretty boy Jeff Fisher, and you can call me the Wizard of Dogwood.

Jeff Fisher, Tennessee Titan coach: “Our team is not going to peak today or tomorrow or Sunday morning. They are going to be ready to play at kickoff.”

Unlike Dick Vermeil’s Rams, who have been running their mouths for the last six days.

Tagliabue: “The track record of our players [having off-field problems] is better than society at large.”

Every day, somewhere in this country, somebody is evading a murder charge by hiding in the trunk of a Toyota.

Vermeil: “The fact that Marshall Faulk caught three passes and Isaac Bruce caught three passes for a total of 27 yards [in the NFC championship game], we have got to do a better job, starting with me.”

You see what happens when I let my assistants do the play calling?

Fisher: “The thing I take from Buddy [Ryan] most is that he gave me the opportunity to coach. He gave me my first job.”

Look, would you stop with the Buddy Ryan-disciple stuff? So the old man once hired me. So big whoop. These aren’t his schemes, they are mine, mine, mine.

Tagliabue: “We are concerned at what seems to be some serious deterioration of conduct. We’ve had conduct that can only be defined as juvenile.”

If the players think they can bully me into restoring that stupid throat-slashing thing, they’re dumber than they look.

Vermeil: “My thoughts from time to time were: What the hell am I doing here?”

Three years ago, I took over an absolute sewer of a football program. They should count their lucky stars that I stuck around to save it.

Fisher: “I am sure when the time [for a contract extension] is right for them, they will let me know, but I have got, obviously, more important things on my mind right now.”

I’ll be quiet now, but if I win this Super Bowl, my cheapskate boss with the pelt on his head better pony up.

Tagliabue: “Eddie DeBartolo will be eligible to rejoin the league after Feb. 1. The issue of who controls [the San Francisco 49ers] is a separate issue.”

If you think I’m letting that riverboat rat stick his hands back in my pie, you’re out of your mind.

Vermeil: “I am concerned about my placekicking. . . . My placekicker [Jeff Wilkins] has patella tendinitis in his plant leg. . . . He kicked in the dome yesterday and he feels great.”

Doesn’t matter what kind of fancy-schmancy name you give his injury, the wimp has no excuses.

Fisher: “If [Yancey Thigpen] convinces me that he can play 35 or 40 plays . . . with the foot condition the way it is right now, then he will play.”

Either Yancey Thigpen is a man, or he isn’t.

Tagliabue: “I am pleased [with instant replay]. Others are more mixed.”

I am the boss. I couldn’t give a rip what others think. Instant replay is here to stay, period.

Fisher: “I believe that the [instant replay] system works. I believe the system did exactly what we wanted it to do.”

I believe that replay officials will be so happy to read this, they will give us every break.

Vermeil: “Leonard Little is a nondrinker. . . . I have had him to my house for dinner, offered him a glass of wine. He does not drink.”

The only way we can justify keeping a convicted felon on this team is to believe that friends held him down and poured 14 drinks down his gullet before he killed that woman with his car.

Vermeil: “Some people said, well, you shouldn’t bring [Little] back . . . [but] you know, the people in St. Louis are very understanding and very forgiving and, not that we should forgive everybody for every mistake they make, but we have had no problems.”

I know a sucker town when I see one. As long as we’re winning, Leonard Little will be welcome here.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at his e-mail address: bill.plaschke@latimes.com.