There’s No Disguising Flaws in ‘Big Momma’s House’

Let us all now give praise to the individual who designed the poster for “Big Momma’s House,” currently on prominent display on buses throughout Los Angeles County. He or she has done a tremendous service to filmgoers--neatly summarizing all we need to know about this new comedy.

The image is this: a corpulent female figure in a red flower-print dress, holding an FBI identification card picturing Martin Lawrence.

So there you go. If you think that Martin Lawrence dressed up as a hefty grandmother is funny, be gone with you. Off to the cineplex. Be assured that Lawrence, in disguise, will behave quite un-grandmotherly--and expect humor no more sophisticated than that. For the rest of you, you’d be better off just taking a ride on the bus.

In the movie, there is some sort of situation that demands that master-of-disguise FBI agent Malcolm Turner (Lawrence) dress up as Big Momma--besides the fact that without this gag there’d be no movie. It has something to do with staking out Sherry (Nia Long) to catch her ex-boyfriend, an escaped murderous bank robber, Lester (Terrence Howard).

That said, forget about Lester. The filmmakers did. (Howard gets about 2 1/2 minutes of screen time skulking around in the dark.)

Meanwhile, the faux Big Momma is busy with episodic segments: playing basketball, taking a self-defense class, delivering a baby. Oh, yes, and getting the hots for--er, uh, investigating--Sherry.

“Big Momma’s House” might seem at least novel if we hadn’t seen these makeup tricks before, notably in “The Nutty Professor.” Lawrence has spent too much of his career already being compared to Eddie Murphy, and donning this fat suit isn’t going to help.

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Lawrence’s abilities as a physical comedian break through the layers of silicone--his dancing Big Momma can really bust a move--but not much else does. The whole project works so hard at creating funny situations that Lawrence gets no chance to be funny as himself. His handful of scenes as Malcolm are oddly tame--no doubt to secure that PG-13 rating and the teen audience it ensures. Who else besides teens are going to laugh hysterically at a septuagenarian using the toilet?

Long handles her scenes with charm--but everything is so secondary to the Gag that there’s no getting invested in her, or any, character. Likewise for John (Paul Giamatti), the partner with no personality.

Director Raja Gosnell, whose previous credits include “Home Alone 3” and “Never Been Kissed,” walks this crooked line between sweet-natured characters and bitterly gross humor. A former editor, he’s made odd choices in putting together his own film. Scenes just trail off. And after two full scenes, 10 minutes into the film, more opening credits start rolling, as if the movie wants to start over.

But it’s too late. The script by Darryl Quarles and Don Rhymer is off and stumbling over unfunny one-liners. In the first scene, Malcolm’s mask disguising him as an Asian man gets pulled off his face. “What?” he says. “You never heard of Seoul, Korea?” Soul, Seoul, get it? They try to spread some emotional icing over this rotten confection, mostly having to do with Sherry’s inability to trust people after her last boyfriend turned out to be a sociopathic criminal.

So Malcolm/Big Momma spends the awkward scenes between random antics trying to find out something--we’re never sure exactly what--from Sherry. The explanation goes something like: “Malcolm, you gotta get her to confess everything before we catch Lester, or she’s going down with him.” That may be the most hilarious part of all.

Unless, that is, if you think Martin Lawrence is just funny in a dress.

* MPAA rating: PG-13, for crude humor, including sexual innuendo, and for language and some violence. Times guidelines: toilet humor, comic and serious violence, some nudity.

‘Big Momma’s House’

Martin Lawrence: Malcolm

Nia Long: Sherry

Paul Giamatti: John

Ella Mitchell: Hattie (Big Momma)

Terrence Howard: Lester

Twentieth Century Fox and Regency Enterprises present a David T. Friendly/Runteldat Entertainment production. Directed by Raja Gosnell. Screenplay by Darryl Quarles and Don Rhymer. Story by Darryl Quarles. Produced by David T. Friendly, Jeffrey Kwatinetz and Arnon Milchan. Director of photography, Michael D. O’Shea. Production designer, Craig Stearns. Edited by Bruce Green and Kent Beyda. Costume designer, Francine Jamison-Tanchuck.

Running time: 1 hour, 35 minutes.

In general release.