Maybe He’d Rather Deal With Albert Belle

Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe is frustrated at covering the Boston Red Sox because . . . well, because they’re too nice.

“They are so wholesome and effective, so full of character and camaraderie, they are impossible to rip--even when they blow a close one, and even when they lose two straight to the Tigers.

” . . . The Red Sox of [2000] are 25 John Boy Waltons, golly-gee characters from a young-reader novel by John R. Tunis.

“They hustle, they scrap, they give the dedicated Sox fans a bang for the buck. Every day.”

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Trivia time: What is the Laker record for points in a playoff game?

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Dispassionate: Jerry Greene of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel said that after watching the submarine movie “U-571,” “I never cared one second about who lived and who died--kind of like a Knick-Heat game.”

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Yawn: “I would hate to complain that this year’s NBA postseason is too drawn out,” comedy writer Alex Kaseberg told the San Francisco Chronicle, “but these playoffs are beginning to make me long for the concise brevity of the Elian Gonzalez saga.”

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Traveling man: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times:

“One more trade and Rickey Henderson will one day hold the record for most times changing teams by a hall of famer. Henderson has changed teams nine times, tying the mark set by Burleigh Grimes, the last legal spitballer.

“Jayson Stark of ESPN.com points out that of the 12 players Henderson has been traded for, only Stan Javier, Luis Polonia and Steve Karsay are still in the majors.”

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Dealing with a giant: Pitcher Randy Wolf of the Philadelphia Phillies, on striking out Mark McGwire three times last Wednesday:

“I’m a little past the stage of ‘Wow, look how big he is.’ But he’s remarkably bigger than everybody else.”

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Won’t you be my neighbor? Vice President Billy McKinney of the Seattle SuperSonics says the organization has not considered trading volatile point guard Gary Payton:

“Can you imagine him having the personality of Mr. Rogers? That makes him who he is, and if you take that away from him, then he’s not Gary Payton.”

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Classy company: FHM magazine asked its readers to submit their votes for the 100 sexiest women in the world, and Anna Kournikova came in at No. 31 as listed in the current issue.

She received more votes than Gwyneth Paltrow, Julia Roberts, Drew Barrymore and Heather Locklear, to name a few.

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Trivia answer: The Lakers scored 153 points against the Denver Nuggets on May 22, 1985.

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And finally: Blackie Sherrod in the Dallas Morning News: “Yogi Berra’s 75th landmark reminds of a few years ago, on May 12, when Mickey Mantle repeatedly called from Dallas, finally tracked Berra down via cell phone.

“ ‘I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday,’ said Mantle. ‘Thank you,’ said Yogi. ‘The same to you.’ ”