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1. Nebraska (7-0) Johnny Rodgers offers to sing national anthem and return first punt.

2: Oklahoma (6-0) Switzer hires G. Gordon Liddy to infiltrate Osborne For Congress headquarters.

3: Miami (5-1) Covering Hurricane receiver Santana must be the Moss pits.

4: Florida State (7-1) Grandpa Bowden tells kiddies about the time his team actually lost to N.C. State.

5: Virginia Tech (7-0) Vick may have saved his Heisman run with that 55-yarder against Syracuse.


6: Oregon (6-1) Looks like Phil Knight picked the wrong year to boycott the program.

7: Florida (6-1) Spurrier offers to stick around Jacksonville to straighten out Jaguars.

8: Clemson (8-0) Tigers pull into service station for a BCS lube job and tuneup.

9: Washington (6-1) Huskies wonder when and if that win over Miami will ever count for something.

10: South Carolina (7-1) Rankman pulling hard for Lou Holtz vs. Bob Davie in the Sugar Bowl.

11: Texas Christian (6-0) Spin team drops Heisman campaign to address school’s 109th-rated schedule strength.

12: Ohio State (6-1) In exchange for more kind words on ESPN, Cooper offers to retire Kirk Herbstreit’s number.

13: Georgia (6-1) If QB Quincy Carter can’t play, Spurrier says ‘Dogs can borrow one of his extras.

14: Oregon State (6-1) Writers wonder if there’ll be a free log ride to Nov. 18 game vs. Oregon.


15: Kansas State (7-1) Hate e-mail subsides after vaunted team gives up 64 points in last two home games.

16: Southern Mississippi (5-1) Team kicking itself for early loss to crummy Tennessee.

17: Purdue (6-2) Can anyone tell Rankman why Tiller went for that fake punt against Notre Dame?

18: Notre Dame (5-2) Irish starting to smell green of a big, fat BCS bowl check.

19: Michigan (6-2) Team runs state championship banner up the Ann Arbor flag pole.

20: Texas (5-2) New Jersey’s Simms would be smart to trade this year’s jersey for a redshirt next season.

21: Arizona (5-2) For 23rd consecutive year, lady in Tucson suspends work on “Cats to Rose Bowl” quilt.

22: Mississippi State (4-2) Overtime loss at Lousiana State inspires headline: For Whom the Cowbell Tolls.

23: Northwestern (5-2) May lose one more game just to rid self of syrupy, “feel-good” story status.


24: Arizona State (5-2) Lightning strikes again as Sun Devils return to Rankman’s poll.

25: Nevada Las Vegas (4-3) Shameless ploy as USC struggles to get John Robinson’s name back in print.