It’s Not First Time Lions Are Punch Line

Mitch Albom in the Detroit Free Press: “People try their whole lives to get on Jay Leno’s ‘Tonight Show.’ So you could say the Lions are the envy of the nation....

“It’s a regular part of Leno’s monologues. He skewers politicians, he skewers celebrities--then he skewers the Lions.

“Jay: ‘The travel industry says the average person will travel 100 miles this Thanksgiving. Except the Detroit Lions.

They can’t travel 10 yards.’

“Jay: ‘The CIA today revealed why the Taliban have been fighting so badly--they’re using an old Detroit Lions’ playbook!”’

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Trivia time: When did UCLA record its first bowl victory?

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Like him or ... : Dick Vitale in an interview with Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury News: “Do I talk too much? You’re damn right. Am I loud? Damn right! I’m too loud sometimes.... But I’m on the air the same guy as I am off the air. I pride myself on that.”

Observes Kawakami: “He is a sincere and enthusiastic person capable of canny observations ... but he is a screamer and an apologist, incapable of tough-minded criticism of anyone he considers a friend, and he considers everybody a friend.”

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Goofy sheriff? Brian Schmitz in the Orlando Sentinel: “Los Angeles Laker star Shaquille O’Neal says he wants to become sheriff in either Florida or Louisiana after he retires.

“At 7 feet 1, O’Neal could star in the remake of ‘Walking Tall,’ the movie based on Buford T. Pusser, a legendary small-town Tennessee sheriff. But given Shaq’s goofiness, he might take after Barney Fife.”

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Receiving end: John McClain in the Houston Chronicle: “If a Hall of Fame were established for ignoramuses, the 49ers’ Terrell Owens and the Vikings’ Randy Moss would be first-ballot inductees.

“Physically, God blessed Owens and Moss with more than most. They are two of the most gifted receivers in NFL history....

“Mentally, well, let’s just say Owens and Moss don’t act like the sharpest tools in the shed. They do and say things that create controversy, but when they are criticized, they act incredulous, refuse to accept responsibility for their actions and lash out at their critics and usually make themselves look even worse.”

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Moot honor: After Cleveland defensive tackle Gerard Warren was arrested for possession of an unlicensed firearm, Brown President Carmen Policy said the Pittsburgh police officer who’d made the arrest called Warren “one of the finest and nicest people he’s ever arrested.”

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Trivia answer: 1966, when the Bruins upset Michigan State in the Rose Bowl, 14-12. UCLA had lost five previous Rose Bowl games.

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And finally: Thomas Boswell in the Washington Post: “Next Thursday, Commissioner of Baseball Bud Selig, Gov. Jesse Ventura of Minnesota and, perhaps, someone from the players’ union will testify before the House Judiciary Committee.

“Please, let’s not waste this golden opportunity! Throw out the desks, the chairs and microphones. Empty the congressional hearing room and bring in a wrestling cage.

“Then stick Selig, the owners’ mouthpiece, and whomever the union chooses to do its talking, in the cage with the Body Politic. Lock the door and don’t open it until Jesse, the former pro wrestler, has straightened out a few things.”