THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

Chris Dufresne’s top 25 college football rankings and comments:

1 MIAMI 11-0 Hurricanes tell Rose Bowl to spare them the “oranges and sunshine” pitch and show them where the real action is.

2 TENNESSEE 10-1 If you believe we were behind this team from the get-go, Rankman has some swamp land to sell you in Gainesville.

3 COLORADO 10-2 Neuheisel sends Barnett a congratulatory note for getting back in the national title hunt with all those players he recruited.

4 OREGON 10-1 Man in white coat from BCS headquarters flies to Eugene to explain how winning the toughest conference is not good enough for Rose Bowl bid.

5 FLORIDA 9-2 A close friend of Spurrier’s says it will take the coach only 20 or 30 years to get over the Tennessee loss.

6 TEXAS 10-2 Decisions, decisions. Imagine the possibilities had Mack Brown replaced Simms with Applewhite one series sooner against Colorado.

7 STANFORD 9-2 Team, coaches and administration say they are honored and privileged to accept bid to play in Seattle’s “Skid Row Bowl.”

8 MARYLAND 10-1 Wide-eyed Terrapin players ask coach if they’d be in the national title race had they given up 62 points to Colorado.

9 ILLINOIS 10-1 Ron Turner says he’s not interested in Notre Dame job, only to later learn the school was never interested in him.

10 NEBRASKA 11-1 Players informed they’re still in the national title hunt during a post-Colorado grief counseling meeting.

11 OKLAHOMA 10-2 Stoops gives coordinator Mark Mangino a big hug and a compass as he goes off in search of Kansas.

12 BRIGHAM YOUNG 12-0 Rankman can cite No. 105 strength-of-schedule reasons why the Cougars have been eliminated from BCS consideration.

13 WASHINGTON 8-3 Neuheisel withdraws name from consideration at Notre Dame after learning he can’t drive his yacht to work in South Bend.

14 MICHIGAN 8-3 After blowing BCS chance with loss to Ohio State, trip to Citrus Bowl tastes like a sour lemon.

15 WASHINGTON STATE 9-2 Breathless messenger on horseback arrives from Seattle to tell Mike Price he’s just been named Pac-10 coach of the year.

16 VIRGINIA TECH 8-3 Upon returning from Blacksburg, Rankman heads to Washington to lobby Congress for new highway appropriations bill.

17 SOUTH CAROLINA 8-3 In private conversation with Notre Dame insiders, Holtz says he knows just the man to turn Irish program around.

18 LOUISVILLE 10-2 Coach Smith warns players not to mix it up during Liberty Bowl with “‘rowdy” fans from Brigham Young.

19 FRESNO STATE 11-2 In winning Silicon Valley bid, Pat Hill delivers on promise of sending team to bowl game involving chips.

20 GEORGIA 8-3 Mark Richt’s record reminds us of the Jim Donnan era, yet ‘Dawg fans insist this is real progress.

21 SYRACUSE 9-3 Rankman has absolutely no insight whatsoever why Syracuse ended up in Insight.com Bowl in Phoenix.

22 LOUISIANA STATE 8-3 Half the free world hoping LSU victory against Tennessee would lead to end of the BCS as we know it.

23 FLORIDA STATE 7-4 After spat with Spurrier, Bowden says he won’t play Virginia Tech unless they change bowl name from “Gator” to “Seminole.”

24 TOLEDO 9-2 Nice to see the Rockets going to the Motor City Bowl after getting the crank shaft last year.

25 UCLA 7-4 Alan Greenspan says school’s decision to spurn money-losing offer from Humanitarian Bowl could lift economy out of recession.