Diamonds in the Rough? In This Case, Answer Is No

These are bleak times in L.A.

The Lakers have only six games remaining, which means we will be left with the Dodgers, Angels and Sparks to provide the local entertainment.

OK, the Dodgers and Angels.

And the only thing interesting about the Angels is what Seattle is doing to them. The Mariners’ magic number to eliminate Anaheim from the winning the division title was 108 Wednesday morning. By the end of the day it was 106.

At this rate Anaheim will be mathematically eliminated in 53 days, which takes us to July 15th.

Factor in days off, the All-Star break and Jorge Fabregas’ impact now that he has returned to the roster, and they might hang for another week.

Then we’ll be left with the Dodgers, which these days is like watching a golf tournament without Tiger Woods competing.

TALK ABOUT nondescript, I went to the Dodgers’ Web site and punched up Jeff Reboulet’s name and got nothing.

A publicist for the team told me later it was a technical glitch, which is publicist talk for “I have no idea who he is either.”

This Sunday is autograph day at Dodger Stadium for children 14 and under. Imagine the look on your child’s face when they work their way to the front of the line and get Giovanni Carrara’s autograph.

And when they ask, “Who’s this, daddy?” Remember, daddy, this is your child and “beats the hell out of me” is not the appropriate response.

THE DODGERS are missing something--beyond a general manager. They have no life, nothing to stir one’s passion unless your blood boils when you watch Darren Dreifort work, the sullen $11-million pitcher who has six more career losses than wins.

We’ve probably got a good three months with these guys before they’re eliminated and we turn our attention to USC and UCLA football, so it would be nice if someone stepped forward with a little endearing charisma.

That’s why the Dodgers brought Shawn Green home, but so far he remains “The Puddle,” melting every time the glare of attention finds him. He presently leads the team in striking out.

Chad Kreuter has that Hollywood look, wearing sunglasses when he batted Wednesday afternoon against Colorado, but the problem is his statistics suggest that he has been wearing them for night games, too.

Adrian Beltre has that flair, but a surgeon cut it out of him while trying to slice and dice his appendix, and now it might be another year before it’s fully restored. Alex Cora has more flair than hits--and that’s a problem.

Gary Sheffield has made it clear he’s a mercenary. Everyone else might be, too, but they do a better job of hiding it.

Marquis Grissom is a novelty--batting 102 times and yet to walk, but it doesn’t quite have the same pizazz as Barry Bonds’ assault on Mark McGwire’s home run record.

Shoot, we’re at the point now where the return of Paul Lo Duca off the disabled list is being hailed as the spark this team needed. A short, dumpy catcher is now the team’s leadoff batter.

Holy, Luke Prokopec, these are your Dodgers.

SOMEONE SENT me an advertisement with a smiling Kevin Brown eating a hot dog, which tells me two things: 1) There’s no truth in advertising and 2) He’ll smile if you pay him.

This whole charisma drop-off started with Kevin Brown.

The Dodgers made him rich and the team’s focal point, but instead of getting a return in happy-fan chatter about Browns’ competitiveness and determination to win, they have a competitive grump with a determination to win. Do you want your youngster picking up his ball and glove and going outside to mimic Kevin Brown? Wait until you try and call him in.

I’ll never understand why millionaires are so unhappy--thank heavens the Tribune Co. won’t put me in that position.

IS IT baseball? Is it the Dodgers? Do you get the same sense that the Dodgers lack spirit, which fuels momentum and maybe a first-place drive all summer long? Is there anyone on the roster that draws you to Dodger Stadium? What’s a bigger draw--Chan Ho Park or bobble-head doll night? It might be time to put Vin Scully in a uniform.

These guys have been in first place for much of the season and no one in the West looks like a runaway winner. Now I like saying Bocachica’s name over and over, but beyond Hiram, who is going to step forward and make the next three months entertaining--matching personality with pitch-for-pitch?

Short of having Kobe and Shaq throw out the first pitch every game to keep everyone’s attention, I’d hate to think we’re headed toward a Sparks’ game in early July.

RON WOLF spent 25 years in the Raider organization, but somehow remained untainted, going on to make Green Bay Titletown once again.

Wolf, 62, ended his successful stay with the Packers this week, and according to ESPN’s Chris Mortensen, he went home find a new Mercedes in his garage--a gift from coaches and players, including Brett Favre--with a card reading: “You’ve driven us, now let us drive you.”

If a team opts to move here, the first thing it should do is coax Wolf, who has an affinity for L.A., out of retirement.

A NEWSPAPER in New York reported that Staples Center President Tim Leiweke is one of the top candidates to become Madison Square Garden president. That may be true, but as soon as Leiweke can bring it to the attention of his boss, Philip Anschutz, and get a raise out of it, I think we’ll be hearing he’s staying here.

MIKE GARRETT, USC’s athletic director, told admiring Trojan supporters at the Los Angeles Athletic Club Wednesday night he was “embarrassed” by the school’s recent football performance and added, “I apologize.”

PETE CARROLL, the man hired by USC to steer its football program in the right direction, had taken the stage earlier during the LAAC reception in his honor and sat on the microphone.

TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in an e-mail from Jon:

“I hear Salma Hayek loves the Raiders. Does evacuation of all Raider fans suddenly seem a bit extreme?”

I’ll need to hear that from her personally.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.