If It Begins With Knight, It Has to Slope Downhill

A recap of the news while wondering how many beignets will be consumed at this week’s Super Bowl in New Orleans and how many writers will swallow hard and vote Texas Tech into this week’s Associated Press top 25 basketball poll.

News item: New England and St. Louis to meet in this weekend’s Super Bowl.

Second thought: I never once doubted the Patriots after their 1-3 start. OK, maybe once.

News item: Pat Summerall’s sparse, understated broadcast delivery will be missed on Fox broadcasting team.

Second thought: Yep. I’ll say. Touchdown. Rams.

News item: Vernon Forrest hands Shane Mosley his first professional boxing defeat.

Second thought: Mosley should have known better than to schedule Forrest in an Olympic year. I’m not sure Mosley would win twice if he fought Forrest 10 times, but it was refreshing to watch a boxing promotion in which neither combatant later felt compelled to grab his crotch, flash a gang sign or demand a tetanus shot.

News item: Texas Tech defeats No. 6 Oklahoma to improve record to 15-3.

Second thought: No one said Bob Knight couldn’t coach, but that doesn’t mean we’d want him in charge of adjusting neckties at the postseason awards banquet.

News item: USC basketball team rebounds from overtime loss to California to upset Stanford.

Second thought: The Trojans are a reflection of their coach: They never seem to blink.

News item: Nation recently celebrates Martin Luther King Day.

Second thought: I have a dream, and it goes like this: Mike Montgomery has coached UCLA basketball for the last five years and Steve Lavin has been at Stanford. In the dream, UCLA wins its fifth consecutive game at Maples Pavilion, and afterward UCLA player Matt Barnes says, “This feels like my house.”

News item: Stephen King’s story “Rose Red” made into television movie.

Second thought: I’m not actually watching this horror miniseries, but someone said it was an adaptation based on Nebraska’s recent bowl trip.

News item: ABC quiz show “The Chair” remains on the air.

Second thought: I’ve had this quiz show/medical journal idea rattling around in my brain for weeks. It’s called “Magnetic Resonance Imaging,” MRI for short. Premise: The host, former Raider center Jim Otto, loads himself into the MRI tube and contestants are given 60 seconds to identify how many ligament tears the oft-injured Otto suffered during his career, all while answering rapid-fire “Silver and Black” trivia questions provided by Al Davis.

News item: Ron Zook takes over as University of Florida football coach.

Second thought: Show of hands from those who thought the honeymoon would last at least until spring ball.

No one said replacing Steve Spurrier would be a snap, but Zook probably deserves to coach a game or two before getting run out of Gainesville. That said, a former Gator student has already established an Internet site called Fireronzook.com, on which he estimates the number of days until Zook will be canned (1,055 as of today). The home page features a scroll of recruits the Gators have reportedly lost since Zook was named Spurrier’s successor and quotes former Tampa Bay coach Tony Dungy saying: “I don’t know John Zook that well, but I think he’s going to do a great job.” The guy running the Web site remains anonymous, explaining he “knows that most Gator fans own shotguns.”

News item: Show called “World’s Sexiest Athletes” debuts on ESPN.

Second thought: Look for William Perry, Craig Stadler, all five of the former Washington Redskin “Hogs” and comedian Carrot Top to file a discrimination lawsuit.

News item: Mike Tyson and Lennox Lewis exchange blows at news conference.

Second thought: This comes in the aftermath of the Oscar De La Hoya-Fernando Vargas prefight scrape. HBO needs to scrap its current boxing format and start a show called “Press Conferences After Dark.”

News item: Tyson issues apology for latest fracas, stating: “I am not a role model or Mr. Politically Correct.”

Second thought: Tyson’s confession stuns thousands of PTA presidents and youth ministers who, for years, have held the former heavyweight champion to a higher moral and ethical standard.

News item: Houston Astros say Enron is still making payments on the 30-year, $100-million naming-rights deal the company signed.

Second thought: Reportedly, the stadium signage will remain at least until August. To protest, fans ought to keep a running tally of pitcher strikeouts this season by draping (401)K banners over the railing.

News item: Mighty Ducks reportedly ready to offer 10 players for trade.

Second thought: Some are calling this the most coldhearted move at Disney since five of the Seven Dwarfs were left exposed in last year’s storybook character expansion draft.

News item: U.S. skier Picabo Street may not be able to defend her Olympic gold medal in super-giant slalom.

Second thought: Where is that Olympic sponsor’s exemption when you need it? Street did not accumulate enough points to automatically qualify for the super-G--she will ski in the Olympic downhill--yet she ought to be able to defend her title the way the Masters’ champion in golf gets a lifetime exemption.

There is still a slight chance U.S. coaches, in a discretionary decision, could jump Street over two Americans who have qualified for the super-G when the ski team is announced today.

News item: Speedskater Apolo Ohno accused of rigging a qualifying race to help a friend make the Olympic squad.

Second thought: You could argue Ohno was only trying to exemplify the spirit of the Salt Lake Games, which were rigged from Day 1.

News item: License granted to start accepting horse racing bets via Internet and over phone.

Second thought: Terrific. Now, those yahoos who gratuitously use their cell phones in public places--Honey, guess where I am now? On a plane!--now get to legally keep us informed about their sporting addictions.