Wizards Like Ships Passing in the Night

Tony Kornheiser in the Washington Post after the Wizards lost to the Toronto Raptors, 74-68, in their opening game of the season:

“You know how sometimes when a team is disorganized you’ll say, ‘They played like they didn’t know each other’? The Wizards played like they couldn’t see each other.

“Michael Jordan played like it was a pick-up game with those mopes in his Hanes underwear commercial.”

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Trivia time: Who is the winningest Pacific 10 football coach by conference percentage?

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Put-down: Columnist Joe Henderson of the Tampa Tribune was at the Orlando Magic’s opening NBA game and was not impressed by the missing fans: “The lights bounced off about 2,000 empty seats, testament to what seems to be increasing indifference to the Magic by this loose incorporation of strip malls and amusement parks known as a city.”

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Always the editor: Jerry Greene in the Orlando Sentinel: “Two friends were walking home after a Halloween party and took a shortcut through the cemetery. They were startled to see an old man using a chisel to deface one of the headstones.

“ ‘Hey, old man,’ one of them cried, ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ Replied the old man: ‘Those fools misspelled my name.’ ”

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Dubious distinction: Dick Jerardi in the Philadelphia Daily News: “Penn State has to be the best three-loss team in America. Which is not exactly the kind of praise players and coaches are seeking.

“ ‘It is obviously hard,’ said Coach Joe Paterno. ‘It is hard for me. It is a long plane ride back home. It’s nights without sleeping, thinking about what you could do, should do.’ ”

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Yawn: Jay Leno, commenting on the Angels’ victory celebration: “Today at Disneyland, they celebrated by having a parade down Main Street. That’s something that doesn’t happen every day! Boy, how unusual!”

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Futility: The New York Giants have scored 89 points in seven games. Only the Cincinnati Bengals have scored fewer, 75.

Steve Serby of the New York Post calls the Giants’ offense “Three Yards and a Cloud of Bust.”

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Ouch: This could be where we got the term “cruel and unusual punishment:”

On this date in 1899, Jim Jeffries defeated “Sailor” Tom Sharkey to retain the world heavyweight title when referee George Siler stopped the fight in the 25th round at the Greater New York Athletic Club.

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Trivia answer: UCLA’s Henry (Red) Sanders, 1949-57, 47-11-1, .805. Runner-up is USC’s John McKay, 1960-75, 70-17-23, .794.

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Nap time: Laker Coach Phil Jackson: “If I hear [Angel Manager] Mike Scioscia right, he’s always talking about ‘staying focused.’ I thought they were really able to maintain that focus that is so easy to lose in baseball because it’s such a boring game.”

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And finally: San Francisco Chronicle reader Joe Arcilla says the Tampa Bay Devil Rays’ hiring of Lou Piniella makes him wonder: “If a base is thrown in anger in a domed stadium and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”

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-- Mal Florence