Coliseum Is Treating Game as Bare Necessity

BREAKING NEWS ... Lingerie Bowl 2004 is going to be played in the Coliseum on Feb. 1.

Why the Coliseum?

Can you name another stadium with two statues of naked people out front? I have to believe Angie Everhart is going to feel a lot more at home in the Coliseum, which was the hot tub host for the XFL during its short run, than the Pope, who was here in 1987.

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APPARENTLY NOT everyone is as excited as I am about the return of football to the Coliseum. Chrysler withdrew its sponsorship of Lingerie Bowl 2004 on Wednesday after a flood of criticism and picketing in Detroit.

General Manager Pat Lynch, however, said the Coliseum aggressively pursued the pay-per-view event, which will include a red carpet arrival for celebrities, a fashion show featuring the bowl’s own tasteful line of “Fourth & G” lingerie, and models in lingerie playing an all-out tackle football game during halftime of the Super Bowl.

I would think it might boost the chances for the return of the NFL if the Coliseum immediately drew picketers, and they remained there until the game, which would finally demonstrate to NFL owners how safe the Coliseum neighborhood has become.

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I’VE SPENT a lot of time working on the Lingerie Bowl, as you might imagine. I convinced bowl officials to give me complete locker room access for the event so I don’t miss a thing, and because of my extensive background in football, I had been asked to help select the event’s most valuable player.

It was also my intention to be there on the sideline as a Times ambassador and lend a helping hand wherever needed to ensure the successful return of football in Los Angeles, but now Sports Editor Bill Dwyre has me scheduled to be in Houston for some other game.

The NFL has claimed for years, long before Dwyre drove the Rams and Raiders out of town, that the tennis-loving sports editor of the Times has refused to give football its due in Los Angeles. I’ve never wanted to believe it, but here I am, the only one on his staff who can tell the difference between the Moore twins, Cassie and Maile, and he’s shipping me out of town.

I wonder who is going to stay behind and take my place on the sideline.

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LAWRENCE TAYLOR will be coaching Team Euphoria, which makes sense, while Eric Dickerson continues his fall off the face of the Earth as coach of Team Dream. Officials had hoped to have Jim McMahon, but he had a schedule conflict, which happens when you get hit with a DUI.

Marcus Allen has volunteered to be a consultant. I guess he knows more about lingerie than I thought.

As you might have already guessed, the oddsmakers at BoDog.com Sportsbook & Casino have listed Team Dream as a slight favorite over Team Euphoria with the Dream’s Jennifer Jansen listed as the 5-1 choice to score first. That’s whom I would have picked to score first too.

There will be an area for 15,000 invited guests and celebrities. Organizers have already dropped Justin Timberlake’s and Cameron Diaz’s names on me, although I can’t remember for sure if they mentioned the two celebrities were going to be at the game or just dropped their names on me.

The $19.95 pay-per-view event is being offered as an alternative to the Super Bowl’s halftime show.

“Most people make a beer run or whatever when they bring Elvis back from the dead or have Janet Jackson lip-synch,” said Mitch Mortaza, who dreamed up this event for Horizon Productions. “In some cases they don’t even have the instruments plugged in.”

If Elvis makes a comeback, I suspect it will be at halftime of a Super Bowl.

“We know for the most part the audience is blue-collar guys, and that’s our focus,” Mortaza prattled on. “And since it’s a live event, anything can happen. In case one of the competitors [has something torn off], we will have guys on the sideline ready to cover them up. They might not be the fastest guys, and I can’t say they won’t trip before getting there, but I’m sure they’ll do their best.”

And that’s all anyone can ask for in sports.

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MICHIGAN IS going to use the Coliseum in preparation for the Rose Bowl. I would imagine if Michigan’s practices overlap with the Lingerie Bowl workouts, it could be a distraction. Just a suggestion.

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I STOPPED by the Clippers and Coach Mike Dunleavy said he was concerned about his players’ becoming complacent after three wins in a row. The notion of the Clippers becoming complacent about anything was too much for me to take. I left.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Diana Gonzales:

“I am writing you for assistance as a ‘die-hard’ Trojan fan. The family of Drean Rucker wishes to go to the Rose Bowl to watch the team for whom their son would have played. However, since they have a 13-year-old son, the NCAA will not allow the university or boosters affiliated with the school to give them tickets to the game as it would be an extra benefit. Here is where you come in. I imagine you have connections to those who may be able to get them to the game. Please, see what you can do.”

Funny you should mention that. I need three tickets for the game, and I’d like to buy them if someone has extras. What I do with them is my own business -- if you know what I mean.

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.