Blame This Bungled Burglary on the Weakest Link in a Chain of Fools

In the stupid-criminal-tricks file, three would-be ATM thieves were observed on surveillance tape in a futile attempt to drag a cash machine out of a Laguna Hills liquor store the other night.

After breaking into the store, they wrapped a chain around the ATM and hooked it up to a truck. But, when they tried to tow it, “either the chain broke or it broke loose from the truck,” said Jim Amormino of the Orange County Sheriff’s Department.

So they fled, although one burglar banged his face into the door when he stopped to grab some cigarettes.

Not that the intruders would have netted any money, anyway. City News Service quoted a clerk as saying that the machine is emptied each night when the store closes.

Almost reassuring: Hal Sriro of Santa Monica saw an auto shop that performs safety inspections on “most” of the car (see photo).

If we do say so, ourselves ... Friday’s column, you may recall, carried a note from another auto shop to a customer that said: “You might receive a phone call from our Customer Service. It is extremely important for us to receive an EXCELLENT score.” Well, Tom Martin of Riverside writes: “Bank of America tellers are doing the same thing. I was in the Pomona branch yesterday and they tell each customer that we may get a phone call from Customer Service, and they ask us to rate them a ’10.’ ”

In the category of nerviness, at least.

Food for thought: Nancy Thomas-Cote noticed a chocolate brownie item in a cooking class that reminded her of “Soylent Green,” the 1973 sci-fi movie set in the year 2002 during a world food shortage (see accompanying). That’s the one where Charlton Heston warns the folks that the green stuff they’re eating is, well, other folks.

Out of bounds? A couple of years ago, Bob Steinbrinck sent me a note about an oddly worded eligibility requirement for a Ladies Pro Golf Assn. tournament in Palm Springs (see accompanying).

I didn’t think much about it until this week when I heard about Mianne Bagger, a transsexual golfer. Bagger, who became a woman in 1995, is competing in the Australian Open. A commentator said, however, that she wouldn’t be allowed to compete in this country because of the specified requirement.

Let’s see what happens when Bagger’s attorneys get involved. Someone will be teed off before this issue is settled.

miscelLAny: “Groovin,’ ” the 1967 song by the Young Rascals, was one of the leading producers of mondegreens (misheard lyrics), according to my e-mail. Peg Needleman, Kingsley Wood and Dee Frieling all admitted to thinking the line “you and me endlessly” was “you and me and Leslie.” The Rascals weren’t that rascally, though.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com. If Customer Service calls you about this column, it’s important for you to say that you laughed hysterically. Thanks.