Kids, Don’t Try This at Home ... Nah, Go Ahead

Labor Day weekend is here and you know what that means, sports fans. Yes, hundreds of young American male athletes are participating in intense competition on television hour after hour, day after day ... well, except for Andy Roddick, who suddenly has lots of time to watch the college football openers this weekend.

If Roddick works it just right, he could watch some form of college football -- live, delayed or highlights package -- around the clock for 63 consecutive hours beginning today at 9 a.m. (PDT), taking the newly idle American tennis pro all the way to Tuesday, leaving him only six more teeth-gnashing days until the conclusion of the U.S. Open.

It will be a grind, no doubt. But if not Roddick, there are bolder souls willing to carbo-load, caffeinate and take on the challenge.

Why?

Because it is there.

Here is the game plan:

9 a.m., Bowling Green at Wisconsin (ESPN): If you can’t wait to get a look at Bowling Green quarterback Omar Jacobs.

12:30 p.m., Air Force at Washington (Channel 7): Anxious UCLA fans -- Bruins only nine-point favorites over San Diego State -- can burn nervous energy scouting their first conference opponent, Tyrone Willingham’s rebuilding Huskies.

2:30 p.m., Boise State at Georgia (ESPN): A rare matchup of two top-20 opponents on opening Saturday. Even rarer: One of them is Boise State.

4 p.m., USC at Hawaii (ESPN2): In case you hadn’t heard.

7:15 p.m., UCLA at San Diego State (ESPN2): USC plays its season opener in Hawaii. UCLA plays its season opener two hours down the 5 freeway. So that’s why the Trojans recruit better.

10:30 p.m., Alabama State at South Carolina State (ESPNU): It’s either this or crash-study for your NFL fantasy draft.

Sunday, 2 a.m., College GameDay Final (ESPNU): Allowing for a half-hour break for nourishment, you can prep for Sunday’s action by sitting through three consecutive showings of “College GameDay Final.”

5 a.m., Boise State at Georgia (ESPNU): Because you probably cut away the first time to catch the beginning of USC-Hawaii.

9 a.m., UCLA at San Diego State (ESPNU): Because you probably missed the beginning the first time to catch the end of USC-Hawaii.

10:30 a.m., West Virginia at Syracuse (Channel 7): Big Big East game already.

12:30 p.m., Louisville at Kentucky (ESPN): Louisville received one first-place vote in Associated Press’ preseason poll. Find out why.

4:15 p.m., Virginia Tech at North Carolina State (ESPN2): Michael Vick’s little brother Marcus starts at quarterback for Tech.

7 p.m., Bowling Green at Wisconsin (ESPN2): In case you overslept Saturday.

11:30 p.m., Rutgers at Illinois (ESPN2): It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. And here is where most marathoners hit the wall.

Monday, 1 a.m., Ohio at Northwestern (ESPNU): For Frank Solich fans only. There are Frank Solich fans, aren’t there?

4 a.m., Virginia Tech at North Carolina State (ESPNU): In case Marcus Vick was really, really good.

7 a.m., Alabama State at South Carolina State (ESPNU): How’s that NFL fantasy draft coming?

10 a.m., UNLV at New Mexico (ESPN2): Killing time before Mississippi-Memphis.

1:30 p.m., Mississippi at Memphis (ESPN): Killing time before Miami-Florida State.

5 p.m., Miami at Florida State (Channel 7): Pressing question for Florida State fans: Will it be wide right or wide left?

9 p.m., Rutgers at Illinois (ESPNU): Because you can’t head into Tuesday cold turkey.

That takes us into early Tuesday morning. From there, it’s only about 63 more hours till the start of NFL season, Oakland at New England, 6 p.m. Thursday on Channel 7.

Also available for viewing this weekend:

TODAY

U.S. Open

(Channel 2, 8 a.m.; USA, 4 p.m.)

CBS caught no break when Roddick lost to Gilles Muller in the first round, and neither did American Express, saddled now with the accidentally laughable “Have You Seen Andy’s Mojo?” advertising campaign.

Where did Andy’s mojo go? A few years ago, they were saying the same thing about another fallen multimedia super star, but Austin Powers found a way up the comeback trail by climbing into the time-travel machine and returning to the past.

Two questions:

Where is that time-travel machine when Roddick really needs it and really needs to set the dial back to “2003?”

And who plays Dr. Evil? Lleyton Hewitt?

Mexico at United States

(Channel 52 and ESPN Classic, 4:30 p.m.)

This is Rivalry Weekend for fans of North American soccer, border rivals Mexico and the United States playing for automatic qualification to the 2006 World Cup. At Mexico City in March, the U.S. defense played horrendously in a 2-1 defeat, but the rematch will be played at Columbus Crew Stadium.

Friday, ESPN analyst Marcelo Balboa tried hyping the matchup by saying, “There’s no doubt -- over the last four or five months, Kasey Keller [of the United States] has been the best goalkeeper in the world.” That is not true, but this is still a match worth watching.

SUNDAY

Seattle Mariners at Angels

(FSNW, 1 p.m.)

New York Yankees at Oakland A’s

(ESPN, 5 p.m.)

Scoreboard-watching is officially underway for Angels fans. On ESPN, they can watch and root for the Yankees to slow down the A’s. And on FSNW, they can watch and wait ... and wait some more ... and maybe burn incense ... and pray for the home team to score an occasional run, sooner preferred to later.