Dodgers try to sell a fan on acquisition of Jones

IT’S HARD to believe there’s one out there, but according to reliable witnesses, Gloria Napoli wakes up every morning to read a newspaper.

“Same ritual for the past 50 years,” wrote Crista Napoli-Sims. “Morning coffee and her sports page.”

Now as any blogger would tell you, Gloria is a little different these days than most folks. And they have a point, too, because she’s also a Dodgers, Clippers and Page 2 fan, which really does put her into a club all by herself.

“My mother has been alone for 10 years now,” wrote Crista. “Daddy and two of my brothers passed away within six months of each other. There are four of us, though, that keep her busy with her 10 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.”

None that I know about, by the way, has moved to Arizona.

“We take her to Dodger games,” Crista said. “Everyone in the Stadium Club knows her name,” and of course they do -- because who else is going to claim the Dodgers, Clippers and Page 2 as their favorites?

“She gives hugs and kisses to everyone in the Stadium Club,” because what else is there to do at most Dodgers games?

“By the way, her favorite player is Nomar Garciaparra,” Crista wrote, and so for the record, Gloria likes the Dodgers, Clippers, Page 2 and a guy who is finished.

“My brothers and I fuss every time we drive her to a game . . . she has a hard time getting to her seats now,” Crista wrote, “so we sit in the Club. It makes the trip worthwhile, however, when she leaves with a smile.”

Just imagine if you had to depend on the Dodgers, Clippers, Page 2 and Garciaparra to give you a smile.

But now that I’ve found a reader, I’d like to do my best to keep Gloria smiling, so I called Ned Colletti, the Dodgers’ GM, and told him he better have a positive report for her.

“Gloria, Gloria,” said Colletti, and because he’s used to dealing with pro athletes, he often repeats himself. “We had the chance to get one of the best center fielders in the game, maybe the best defensive one in the National League, and we did it. We did it.”

Now the problem with being a Dodgers or Clippers fan or newspaper reader, you’d like to believe the Parking Lot Attendant, Donald Sterling and Plaschke really know what they’re talking about. Well, you know how that goes.

At first glance it would look like a no-brainer, adding a player such as Andruw Jones to make up for last season’s Juan Pierre blunder. Not our money, of course, although the Parking Lot Attendant did raise parking prices after signing Pierre.

The Dodgers just made Jones the fifth highest-paid player in baseball. Not our money, but it will be interesting to see how much Dodger dogs cost next season.

The Dodgers are gambling Jones will return to form, but you would think they would get a bargain in signing him because of last year’s crummy play. But instead he’s going to get a raise.

Jones knew he was going into the final year of his contract last season, which is usually a sure bet a player is going to really put out to better his negotiating position. Shea Hillenbrand finished last season with a higher batting average than Jones, who hit .222.

And yet both the Dodgers and Plaschke made the point that Jones will be motivated to play harder for the Dodgers because he signed a two-year deal and will want another big contract.

If you have watched Jones play, there’s nothing that seems to motivate him. Maybe it’s just appearances and he’s so gifted that everything comes easy -- like striking out 138 times last season or 49 more times than any Dodger.

“Gloria, he still had a lot of home runs and good run protection,” Colletti said, while also explaining why he signed a Little Leaguer last season. “Pierre took a lot of heat and I took a lot of heat, but I don’t think us falling short of expectations should be laid at Juan Pierre’s feet.”

I agree. It should all be laid at the feet of the joker who signed the Little League arm to a five-year deal, necessitating a deal a year later to make up for it.

“He’s going to help [James] Loney and [Matt] Kemp in the lineup,” Colletti said, the opposition walking Loney and Kemp, I guess, so they might get the chance to strike out Jones.

Hard to believe a guy can hit .222 and become the fifth highest paid player in baseball, but then the Dodgers have a long history of GMs such as Kevin Malone, Paul DePodesta and Dan Evans, who didn’t mind being ripped off.

“I tried to be aggressive, and sometimes was too aggressive,” admitted Colletti. “I wanted to help get the Dodgers back to where they were as quickly as possibly, but I haven’t made all the greatest decisions.”

Somewhere out there, even Hillenbrand is nodding.

Colletti’s future with the team probably rests on the play of the youngsters he continues to horde.

“Yes, that’s probably the way it is,” he said. “I understand we’re in L.A. and people have waited a long time for a championship, but rather than go for one in ’08 and have a lesser chance in ’09 and ‘10, I’d rather do something to have a chance to win every year.”

What’s wrong with winning one title every decade or so? Or just a playoff series? Gloria’s a Clippers fan, so it’s not like she’s all that demanding.

Two months to go before pitchers and catchers report, and Colletti said he’ll try to add a starting pitcher or reliever before doing anything at third base.

“I think you’re more likely to see the Nomar of ’06 than the Nomar of ‘07,” said Colletti, suggesting Garciaparra and Andy LaRoche can fight it out for third base. “With the conversations we’ve had, his mind seems to be in a better place, giving him a great chance to rebound.”

Mission accomplished: That should put a smile on Gloria’s face.

As for the Clippers, Gloria, I wouldn’t read the paper any time soon.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.