THE BOTTOM TEN

On strike for 13 years, Bottom Ten selectors were so inspired by the miserable Fighting Rash of Notre Dame (0-3) that they put aside their grievances about press box hot dogs and went back to ranking the worst football teams in the nation.

Charlie Weis’ weaklings, to no one’s surprise, were rated No. 1, just ahead of the red-faced Orangemen of Syracuse (0-3). The teams could well meet in the postseason Woes Bowl, tentatively set for Flushing Meadows, N.Y.

The Bottom Ten is a set of rankings based on second-hand information, rumors, gossip and grudges. In other words, it is compiled in much the same manner as the top 10 rankings.

The Bottom Ten, by the way, should not be confused with the Big Ten, though both are composed of horrible teams.

Elsewhere, No. 7 Auburn Coach Tommy Tuberville, who often argues that his team is not ranked as high as it should be, was assured by BT selectors that, despite a fluke opening-day win, the Tigers’ subsequent losses to South Florida and Mississippi State will keep them in the hunt for the Woes Bowl.

*--* RK. TEAM, RECORD LAST WEEK NEXT LOSS 1. Notre Dame (0-3) 0-38, Michigan Michigan State 2. Syracuse (0-3) 20-41, Illinois Louisville 3. San Jose State (0-3) 0-37, Stanford Utah State 4. San Diego St. (0-2) 13-34, Arizona State Portland State 5. Tulane (0-2) 10-34, Houston SE Louisiana 6. Minnehaha (1-0) 39-42, Florida Atlantic Purdon’t 7. Auburn (1-2) 14-19, Ole Miss State New Mexico St. 8. UCLA (2-1) 6-44, Utah Washington 9. Electoral College (0-0) Idle 2008 10. Michigan (1-2) def. Notre Dame, 38-0* Penn State *--*

* The next 10: 11.Ole, Ole Miss (1-2), 12. Holy Toledo (0-3), 13. Temple (0-3), 14. Utah State (0-3), 15t. East Carolina (1-2) and Western Carolina (0-3), 17. Buffalo** (2-1), 18. Princeton (0-1), 19. Tennessee (1-2), 20. Your choice here.

* Others (in reverse alphabetic order): Harvard (0-1),

Dartmouth (0-1). (*Big deal. **Not the pro team.)

* Crummy game of the week: San Jose State (0-3) at Utah State (0-3).

* Rout of the week: Michigan State (3-0) over Notre Dame (0-forever).

* Dishonorable mention: Duke, which ended a 22-game losing streak, has been suspended from the Bottom Ten for three weeks.

* Jailhouse U. report: In the race to see which school can have the most players arrested this year, Texas has chalked up six. However, Arizona is coming on strong, having had four players thrown in the pokey the other day.

* On the Web: To view the pro football Bottom 10, go to latimes.com/sports.