Don’t bet the house (. . . or the Raiders)

Week 3 predictions for a league that has no answer for Derek Anderson and Jon Kitna. . . .

Eagles over Lions

* After Kitna was knocked out of the Vikings game before returning -- dazed and Willis Reed-like -- to lead the Lions to an overtime victory over the Vikings, Detroit’s overly excited third-string quarterback Dan Orlovsky told the Detroit Free Press, “Indy can have Peyton and New England can have Tom, but we wouldn’t trade this guy for anyone in the world.” I see Matt Millen is already grooming his successor.

Ravens over Cardinals

* The Cardinals’ new game plan under Ken Whisenhunt: Grab a 17-0 lead. Lose all of it and then some. Wait for the other guys to botch an easy handoff in the last two minutes while setting up the go-ahead field goal. Bring on Neil Rackers from 42 yards with one second left. Brilliant!

Chiefs over Vikings

* Old AFLers still raise champagne toasts to Chiefs 23, Vikings 7 in Super Bowl IV, which saw Minnesota’s blood-’n-guts-’n-no-spirals Joe Kapp throw many end-over-end passes that left wounded ducks watching on the sideline shaking their heads as they dodged those dangerous pigskin projectiles. Current Vikings fans, considering a QB depth chart of Tarvaris Jackson-Brooks-Bollinger-Kelly Holcomb, raise champagne toasts to celebrate the good old days.

Steelers over 49ers

* Graphic on ESPN the other night claimed that all six of the most recent “Teams of the Decade” are 2-0 this season. That would be Pittsburgh (“Team of the ‘70s”) and San Francisco (‘80s), along with New England (‘00s), Dallas (‘90s), Green Bay (‘60s) and . . . um, Detroit (‘50s). Really? Detroit? The Lions ruled the ‘50s? Well, OK, ESPN hedged and said you could also go with the Browns there. Except the Browns are 1-1. Never let facts get in the way of a good graphic.

Rams over Buccaneers

* When the Rams went to their first two Super Bowls, following the ’79 and ’99 seasons, they played the Buccaneers for the NFC title and barely scored and won both games -- first by a 9-0 margin, then 11-6. Hope, then, for the ’07 Rams, who continue to search for Steven Jackson and their third touchdown of the season.

Chargers over Packers

* After Week 1, San Diego owned the NFL’s longest active regular-season win streak, 11. Then came the trip to New England. Who owns the longest active streak now? Would you believe the Packers, 6-0 since last December? Asterisk time: All six victories have come against NFC opponents.

Colts over Texans

* The last time Houston was undefeated this late in an NFL regular season was 1997. The Oilers had just begun life as the Tennessee Titans, and on Sept. 22 that season, the city of Houston was 0-0.

Patriots over Bills

* Excerpt from a classified top-secret tape of a Patriots spy-cam planning session not yet erased and destroyed: “OK, on Sept. 23 we play the Bills, and they have J.P. Losman, so let’s set up the cameras here and . . . on second thought, never mind.”

Jets over Dolphins

* The non-New England portion of the AFC East (Jets, Dolphins, Bills) is a combined 0-6. Which again prompts the question for Bill Belichick: Why spy?

Bengals over Seahawks

* The Bengals just gave up 531 yards and 51 points to the Browns, and are playing in Seattle, where the Seahawks are 14-3 since 2005. But the betting line is reasonably close, and both teams are 1-1, and the Bengals have Carson Palmer. When in doubt, go with the AFC.

Broncos over Jaguars

* Two weeks in and the Jaguars have rushed for only 188 yards and no touchdowns. What’s up with Maurice Jones-Drew? What else? Like everybody else who ever attended UCLA, he’s depressed.

Browns over Raiders

* CBS is not airing this game in the Los Angeles area. So things could be worse.

Panthers over Falcons

* The Falcons have more sacks (13; poor Joey Harrington) than points (10), which is seldom a good sign.

Redskins over Giants

* The Giants are 0-2 in ‘07, but went 2-0 versus the Redskins in ’06. In those victories, New York rushed for 416 yards. So things would appear to be looking up for the Giants, until they look down at the stat sheet and notice that 357 of those 416 yards belonged to Tiki Barber.

Cowboys over Bears

* How come the Bears never get penalized and fined for excessive end-zone celebration? Because they have scored one offensive touchdown this season, and it was by a tackle.

Saints over Titans

* It’s Reggie Bush for the Saints against Vince Young for the Titans. And the over/under for ESPN referencing the 2006 Rose Bowl during Monday night’s telecast is 40? 50? Anyone’s guess?

-- Christine Daniels