Stupid criminals undone by flying feet

For the latest Stupid Criminal Tricks awards, I nominate the two guys who grabbed some expensive items from a jewelry store in the San Fernando Valley and raced to their car. They weren’t prepared for an owner who let his feet do his talking for him.

The infuriated businessman not only jumped over the counter and chased them but then “jumped on the hood of their vehicle and began to kick in the windshield,” reported the Thin Blue Line, a police publication.

The suspects were so discombobulated they couldn’t start their car.

And their nerves were further unsettled when a security guard ran up and began to smash their other windows with his club.

One suspect pulled a knife, enabling the two to flee on foot. But they were eventually found and arrested by police because of one other miscalculation: They used a car that was not stolen, or even borrowed -- their own car. The license plate number came in handy for investigators.

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Would you believe . . .

In the area of vehicle accidents, The Thin Blue Line published some memorable motorist excuses, including:

* “I thought my window was down but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.”

* “Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”

* “In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”

And, from a motorist who could truly plead exhaustion:

* “I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

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More traffic fun

In Columbia, S.C., Andy Montgomery of Monrovia chanced upon a sign at an intersection that could confuse even a motorist who wasn’t attempting to kill a fly (see photo).

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OK, OK, we get the idea

Teri and Wes Correll of Laguna Beach spotted what looked like an unneeded reminder of what traffic signals are (see photo). Turned out Traffix Devices is the name of the company on the street.

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Dueling traffic devices

Bill Doty of Sylmar was out for a bike ride when he encountered an intersection where a couple of signs were arguing over whether folks should stop there (see photo). Said Doty: “I stopped only long enough to take a picture.” Once again we marvel at the grit of our citizen photographer force.

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They’re hiring younger

Cynthia Torgow of Northridge found an opening for a worker who could make enough to buy his or her own diapers (see accompanying).

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Bathroom humor (cont.)

Jeffrey Lee recalled the day he and his sister first used the restrooms at a Santa Monica eatery called Buffalo Chips. He thought it strange that the men’s room had a toilet but no urinal. She thought it strange that the women’s room had a fountain on the wall. He reexamined the signs.

“The gender designation for each was printed on a picture of a hand with an index finger pointing -- to the opposite restroom,” he said. “Thus we had each gone to the wrong restroom. And we had not been drinking!”

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miscelLAny

Janice Hough notes that the Dodgers are selling all-the-junk-food-you-can-eat tickets for the right field pavilion for $35 in advance ($40 the day of the game), which is just what they charged last year. “So,” Hough observed, “at least there is one place in L.A. where the price of gas isn’t skyrocketing.”

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.