Psychic Fumbles Several Playoff Predictions

Madame Paula--Santa Ana psychic, palmist and spiritual adviser--is staring at me, not saying a word. We are sitting in her closet-sized office a block from the Santa Ana Freeway, surrounded by candles, religious art and plastic flowers. I’m waiting for her to speak.

Finally, I get the hint.

I take out two crisp $20 bills and place them on the table. I can’t help but wonder how many Oujia boards $40 would buy.

So, Madame Paula says cheerfully, what can I do for you?

Well, I say, the high school football playoffs start this week, and we’re wondering if you could help us out with a few predictions. Like who’s going to do well, who’s going to fall apart, which players will really make a difference. You know, standard stuff.

I set my collection of psychic scraps on the table. Football programs, rosters, stat sheets, game notes, photos, an autograph by Bruce Rollinson--anything I could find that might inspire the Madame’s powers.

She picks up a photo: Valencia Coach Mike Marrujo in his classic pose, arms crossed, expression grim, eyeing the camera as if it were an enemy spy.

Marrujo has one of the most talented teams around, I say. They’re 10-0, seeded first in Division VI, should be real tough to beat. Won the Central Conference in ‘87, a finalist in ‘88, a powerhouse in their league. . . .

Madame Paula doesn’t seem to hear a word. She just stares at the photo. Is she in a trance? Seeing into the future? Bored and wishing she was tuned into “Entertainment Tonight?”

Suddenly I feel the vibrations. Or is it the freeway? I figure it wouldn’t be polite to ask.

“What I’m picking up on him, this Coach Marrujo,” Madame Paula says finally, “is that he’s not too strong toward his people. He needs to be more tough. He’s very soft on them. . . .”

Soft ? Mike Marrujo? Sure, I think, compared to a 10-ton block of concrete. Did I really plunk down $40 bucks to hear this?

My thoughts screech to a stop. I’m in a little room with a woman who might or might not have special powers. No time to be sending out bad vibes.

I force a smile. Tell us, Madame Paula, I say, what else do you see in Valencia’s future?

“I’m picking up that they’re going to win this year,” Madame Paula says. “They’re going to have problems, they’re going to really have to fight for it, but they’re going to win. Very strongly, I feel.”

Madame Paula looks at a photo of Tustin Coach Marijon Ancich, caught wearing that vintage, intense-but-worried Ancich expression.

“I’m picking up that, within himself he feels great responsibility,” Madame Paula says. “That he takes it very hard . . . that they’re not going to do this well this year; they’ll lose in the first or second round. . . .”

Sorry, Tillers. Putting this up on your bulletin board isn’t going to change anything. Of course, there’s probably another psychic who can.

Garden Grove is next. Madame Paula looks at the photo of Coach Jeff Buenafe surrounded by his players during practice. The players are applauding. Buenafe is scowling. It’s anybody’s guess what’s going on.

Of course, Madame Paula doesn’t need to guess.

“This is a very strong team,” she says. “They’re going to win.”

Win the Division VI title?

Yes, Madame Paula says.

I can see Madame Paula needs a lesson in playoff possibilities. After all, she has already picked Valencia. Then again, Valencia and Garden Grove are in separate brackets. Of course! What genius! She’s telling us there will be a tie.

And suddenly, like a psychic slot machine, Madame Paula is on a roll. She flips through the photos, predictions spewing forth.

Mission Viejo: “They’ll try their best, but it’s not what he (Coach Mike Rush) thinks it is. He’s going to learn through experience it won’t be so easy. I hate to say that. I don’t want him to be mad at me.”

Tell me about it, I say.

Savanna: “They’ll do OK, not great. . . . But he (Coach Fred DiPalma) has a good future. He’s going to get better and better. . . . There’s a championship in his future.”

Mater Dei: “I’m picking up very much that they will have weak spots in the beginning of the playoffs, then it will get stronger. This coach, I’m picking up very strongly on him. . . . has a lot of hope and faith and so does his team. I see no weaknesses at this time, no sorrows in either way.”

El Dorado: “They’re going to win it all,” she says, staring at a photo of Coach Rick Jones. “Because he will be very serious and very strong through it all.”

Now wait a second. El Dorado? The 5-5 at-large team in Division III? The team that went 2-8 last year, 0-10 the previous year? Are you sure, Madame Paula?

She cannot be swayed.

“For some reason, it is true,” she says with a shrug. “It’s kind of weird, I know.”

Fine. On to Esperanza. The Aztecs, I tell her, are 10-0, seeded first in Division III and the mythical county champion. I offer Madame Paula an Aztec game program and photos of several players.

“Very, very strong,” she says. “Though it shows a lot of injuries. . . . But they will win, too.”

Win too ? Another tie? This can’t be. Esperanza whomped El Dorado something like 1 million-to-3 a few weeks ago. I can’t let this prediction go without a dose of reality.

But this is risky. How do you correct a psychic? Are there to be repercussions? If she turns me into a clam, how will I get back to the office? Would I qualify for worker’s compensation? Would I end up in The Times cafeteria as part of Friday’s chowder?

I tell myself to stay clam--I mean calm. I can’t have Madame Paula picking up on my panic. I suggest that she consider the facts, which I quickly provide.

Madame Paula looks flustered.

“Oh . . . well,” she says, “This team (Esperanza), they are more . . . they will win. The other team, they will only go halfway then.”

My time’s almost up. I ask Madame Paula if she has any predictions about the playoffs in general. Yes, she says, she has just one.

“It’s all going to be good,” she says. “Especially the finals.”

I can’t help it. I have to say it.

But Madame Paula, don’t you know many of the finals fall on Friday the 13th?

Madame Paula smiles and says:.

“I don’t believe in such things.”