LOS ANGELES OPEN : Some Tips to Keep Tiger Out of a Tank

All right, Miss Blue Eyes, want to take a letter to Tiger Woods for me? No, he is not a prizefighter, he is a golfer. As they like to say on television, he has a great future ahead of him--which is where, after all, a future should be. Ready? Head it personal-but-not-confidential.

“Dear Tiger Woods:

“Well, I see where you won the L.A. Open at Riviera this week. With a 72-75, no less.

“Oh, yes, I know you were not a leader in the clubhouse with that score. I know you missed the cut. I know Fred Couples is leading the tournament as I write this.

“But, Tiger--if I may call you that--the tournament was yours from the beginning. You know what the New York Times headline on the tournament was? You got it! ‘Woods Misses Cut.’ My paper had you in the lead paragraphs. They listed only three players of the 70 or so who missed the cut--you, three-time U.S. Open champion Hale Irwin and the defending champion, Ted Schulz.

“We haven’t seen that kind of singling out since Arnold Palmer’s heyday. Then it used to be ‘Whozit Leads Open--Palmer shoots 77.’

“Well, you get the idea. You took over at Riviera this week. Even John Daly had to share the galleries for a change.

“So, in a very important way, you won the L.A. Open. I hope you like it in the limelight because it looks as if that is where you will spend your career. The game is starved for a hero and it looks like you are elected.

“So, I want to point out some things you’ll have to deal with from now on. I’ll list them for you in no particular chronological order:

“1. You are only 16. So you have to know that 30-foot putts have to go in. They are ‘tap-ins’ when you are 16. They are ‘no-brainers’ when you get a little older.

“2. Three-footers don’t have to go in, either. It will come as a shock to you--in fact, it might have this week--but real legit tap-ins sometimes slide by the hole. Shucks, Hale Irwin missed a backhander once that would have won him the British Open. So, never trust a green. Never trust golf.

“3. Drives don’t have to split the fairway. They can slither off it--even sometimes when you think you have hit the ball ‘perfect.’ Remember, there is no such thing as ‘perfect’ in golf. God needs to work on his game, too. I have a friend, Bob William, who calls the game ‘the pursuit of infinity.’ Keep that in mind.

“4. You know those sandtraps that you don’t even know are there now? They will start to come into play, Tiger. The ball has a mind of its own. Even Hogan snapped one out of bounds on occasion.

“5. Don’t throw clubs, snarl at galleries, howl for marshals when things go wrong. Only one golfer in the history of the game could get away with that--Tommy Bolt. It was part of Old Thunder’s mystique. Anybody else was merely considered a spoiled brat. Remember, this isn’t tennis. Sociopathic behavior doesn’t help your game here. It hurts it. Keep in mind Jack Nicklaus never threw a club in his life.

“6. What’s going to happen is, you’re going to--God help you--become a commodity. Madison Avenue is going to love you. As soon as you win a couple of big tournaments, they are going to want you to go on corporate outings here and in Japan and Europe. It will be tempting. You will get all that money and never really have to use the A-game. Don’t do it. It will ruin you. Years ago, a Chicago entrepreneur put on the first tournament with a $100,000 first prize, $50,000 was payable at once--but you got the other $50,000 by putting on 50 exhibitions for him at $1,000 per. It ruined the careers of three golfers. Today, that practice is standard. Curtis Strange is trying to claw his way back from his sabbaticals from competitive golf. Remember, you have to stay in the pressure cooker or your game will atrophy. You can do outings--and design golf courses--later.

“7. You will hit a wall after about six or seven years out there. Everybody does. Gene Littler, Ken Venturi, Johnny Miller. Even Hogan. The great ones play through it. The others go back to cleaning clubs. Don’t panic when it happens. Don’t take advice from everybody. Go back to one teacher. And keep playing. One day, you will wake up and the hook will be gone, the ball will be going left-to-right again and the hole will keep getting in the way of the ball. Remember, golf is the most perverse of sports. I saw Nicklaus shoot an 83. In the ’81 British Open. The next day, he went out and shot a 65. Hogan took a 12 on a hole in Jacksonville once. And made a two on the next hole.

“8. You have the almost-perfect build for the sport, whippy, loose, not too tall. Don’t mess around with French fries, pie-a-la-mode. No pizza for breakfast. Don’t even put sugar in your coffee. Look what Nicklaus did for his career when he took off 60 pounds. Looks as if God gave you the equipment. Take care of it. Leave the booze to the jet set. They never have 7 a.m. tee-offs. And never have to cut a little three-wood into a 230-yard par-three over water. That’s hard to do when your hands are shaking and your eyes are bloodshot. Take my word for it.

“9. They’ll want you for magazine covers, ‘The Today Show,’ ‘The Tonight Show,’ ‘Good Morning America.’ Do it. The tour has grown from $158,000 in total purses in 1938 (for 38 events) to $49,628,203 this year (for 44 events). It behooves you to keep that interest focused on the game. Simply keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to be able to make a living out in the fresh air and sunshine and smelling the flowers, doing what you would probably be doing--or want to be doing--anyway. Playing golf. Remember what Walter Hagen said, ‘Don’t hurry, don’t worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.’ ”