CHARGER REVIEW : REPORT CARD / T.J. SIMERS : E for Effort, Not Elway

A: QUARTERBACKS

Of course, you know what’s going to happen now--youngsters everywhere are going to junk those No. 7 T-shirts and demand mom and dad buy them the latest in No. 12 wear.

B-: RUNNING BACKS

Bobby Cox allows a left-hander to pitch to right-handed Dave Winfield. Bobby Beathard gets Eric Moten instead of Desmond Howard. Bobby Ross lets a fumbling Eric Bieniemy run with the game on the line. This is known as Bobbyitis.

A: RECEIVERS

Local hospitals reported 18 births in the time it took Derrick Walker to lumber 59 yards. Anthony Miller has come on like Ross Perot in the past few weeks. Shawn Jefferson, however, knows how George Bush feels.

A-: OFFENSIVE LINE

Humphries gets time to throw for 349 yards, and they think they have something to celebrate in Toronto. Winner of Holyfield-Bowe bout draws Broderick Thompson.

A: DEFENSIVE LINE

You’ve got Leslie O’Neal, who won’t show up to watch his teammates play in a big game, and Blaise Winter, who would pay his own way into the stadium to play his heart out whether game meant something or not.

A: LINEBACKERS

A limping Junior Seau lifts Chargers to another level. Steve Hendrickson plays special teams, linebacker, fullback and defensive end, but he can’t keep his locker clean.

A-: DEFENSIVE BACKS

Orange-clad fan gets hauled off by security as he races onto the field. Broncos deny it was effort to get Gill Byrd. Asking Donald Frank to keep up with Elway is like asking Pee-wee Herman to take out Madonna.

A: SPECIAL TEAMS

Have you noticed that ever since they began pointing the cannon in the direction of John Carney, the guy can’t miss? Alex Spanos begins preparing Super Bowl trophy acceptance speech.

A: COACHING

No truth to rumor that Bobby Ross has been asked to coach both the Chargers and the Aztecs the rest of the way. Question: When Dan Reeves goes to McDonald’s this week, do you think he will order a Happy Meal?