Pasadena Won’t Get The Game

U nconventional wisdom for a Friday morning . . .

49ers-Cowboys: The Super Bowl will be played early this year, so if you plunked down a week’s salary for tickets to the Jan. 31 Tailgate Party And Blowout at the Rose Bowl . . . oh, well. This one’s a semifinal in prefix only--15-2 versus 14-3, No. 1 offense versus No. 1 defense, Team o’ the ‘80s versus Team o’ the ‘90s, Young The Superstar versus all the young superstars. You can hardly ask for more, except for maybe a prediction, and I’ll get to that just as soon as I find a coin. Let’s see: Invincible San Francisco looked mighty vincible against Washington, Steve Young broke out in a nervous rash during his first playoff start and the Cowboys pounded an Eagle defense much superior to the 49ers’. All right: Dallas by a field goal. And Joe Montana by a landslide on every ensuing talk show in the Bay Area.

Dolphins-Bills: How about the Dolphins by one, by two, by four, by anything. Please. Unless Dallas 56, Buffalo 3 is your idea of a Super Sunday well-spent.

Dan Marino: Jim Kelly has blown his two chances. John Elway is 0-3. But the AFC’s preeminent quarterback of the last decade reached his one and only NFL final much too early (at age 23) to appreciate the experience. He deserves another, especially now that he has a tight end and a defense that ought to know what to do with a Super Bowl.

Marv Levy: He’s setting himself up for the second-guess of all-time with his decision to start his rusty machine gun, Kelly, over now-legendary Oil-well capper Frank Reich. Or at least since Chuck Knox started a rehabbed James Harris over a hot Ron Jaworski in the 1975 NFC title game. Final score: Cowboys 37, Rams 7, as if Ram fans needed any reminding.

“A Big-Time Quarterback”: They used to say you couldn’t win a Super Bowl without one. Now, how about two? Three of this year’s final four had better quarterbacks standing on the sidelines last week--Montana, Kelly and Steve Beuerlein--than 80% of the league’s starters, Raiders and Rams included.

Al Davis: Wrong again . . . the streak continues. If Marcus Allen was a “cancer,” as Davis informed the world at halftime last Sunday, Davis needs to explain the teary-eyed hugs Allen received from teammates after the Raiders’ season finale, as well as the 1992 Raider MVP award, voted to Allen by those same teammates. “Agenda?” Both parties had their own. Davis wanted to show he could win while crushing anybody so bold as to cross him (see also “Steve Beuerlein”). Allen simply wanted to play.

Mike Ditka: Never mind the Bears. What will “Saturday Night Live” do without him?

Buddy Ryan: So far, the clamor of the “Bring Buddy Back” campaign in Chicago has been deafening.

Ram fans: They were ranked 19th (out of 28) by a business newspaper attempting to determine the “best” and “worst” fans in pro football. The best were Broncos fans, followed closely by Browns fans, because they turn out to watch their teams, year in and year out, regardless of won-lost record. So Ram fans stayed away during the Plague Years of 5-11 and 3-13. In my rankings, that doesn’t make them bad fans. Smart, yes; bad, no.

The Canadian Football League: So expanding into Sacramento and San Antonio is supposed to be goofy? What about Toronto playing in the American League, Atlanta playing in the National League West, the Jazz playing in Utah, the New York Giants playing in New Jersey and the Los Angeles Rams playing in Anaheim?

Wayne Gretzky: Again, what’s the big deal? Magic Johnson won the MVP award in last year’s NBA All-Star Game--and he failed to appear in a single regular-season game. If the NHL is to have an all-star game, and Gretzky is not in traction, Gretzky belongs in the game. These events are for the fans, remember? This “Special Presidential Appointee” business only sounds silly. Baseball ought to borrow the idea and make sure Nolan Ryan and George Brett both make it to Baltimore next July.

Jesse Jackson: You would think the good Reverend has better things to do than to watchdog major league baseball, but that’s only until you grasp the enormousness of baseball’s current cluelessness. Still no finger lifted in the case against Der Schott. Still only 8% of all front-office positions presently held by blacks. Steve Greenberg, the sport’s deputy commissioner, resigned Wednesday, citing a “grave concern” for the game’s future. Is it any wonder the owners are backing off on the notion of a lockout? Shut it down this time and we’ll all become hockey fans and CFL fans, and be all the better for it.

Gary Bettman: Reportedly, the new NHL chief wants to redesign the league’s orange-and-black shield logo (presumably to a Blockbuster Video logo with mouse ears), wants to decide tied games with five-man shootouts and wants to trade three 20-minute periods for two 30-minute halves. Apparently, you can take the Bettman out of the NBA but you can’t take the NBA out of the Bettman. To be discussed at the next board of governor’s meeting: a slam-dunk competition the day before the All-Star game.

Spike Lee: And after that, he’ll be enlisted to film Air Robitaille commercials.

The NCAA “Super Bowl”: “Gee, we put No. 1 Miami and No. 2 Alabama in the same bowl game, Alabama wins, and we have an undisputed national champion for the first time this decade. What a good idea.”

Dallas Mavericks: How does it go again? Are they the Ottawa Senators of basketball or are the Senators the Dallas Mavericks of hockey?

Kelly Hrudey: Under the provisions of the NHL’s new expansion-draft proposal, the Kings would probably leave him unprotected. Question is: Would the Anaheim Express want him?

Gene Murphy: You’d have thought John Robinson could have found a spot on his coaching staff for a sharp-witted, unemployed former head coach who knows the area and had his team better prepared to play UCLA last season than Larry Smith did. But, you know, Robinson had to take care of his sons, real (David Robinson) and adopted (Charles White), first.

Bert Blyleven: He’s right, he had no choice but to leave the Angels for the Twins. He wants to win 300 games--he needs 13 more--and it wasn’t going to happen here. I mean, the man can’t pitch until he’s 50.