From Top to Bottom, Shulas Could Have Record Covered

THE PROS

Associated Press sportswriter Dave Goldberg calls it a “Reverse Shula.” It’s the rare opportunity that Coach Dave Shula’s Cincinnati Bungles (0-7) have to become the first 0-16 team ever.

Which would put him in the record books alongside dad Don, whose 1972 Miami Dolphins were the only undefeated NFL team (17-0, including a Super Bowl victory).

The Bungles came up with a big loss Sunday, blowing a 12-7 lead over Houston, which is in such chaos that its offensive and defense coordinators no longer speak to each other. One rumor that proved false had banged-up quarterback Warren Moon refusing to talk to his offensive line, which would have made snapping the ball a real adventure.

What’s that, you say? All this talk about losing teams is too depressing. OK, here’s some cheery playoff news. It looks like it could be another Dallas-Buffalo Super Bowl.

The rankings:

THE UNWON

Sad sack, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Cincinnati (0-7) 12-28, Houston Idle

SLOW BEGINNERS

Coaches whose debuts with NFL teams were less than memorable:

Coach, Team Year Record 1. John McKay, Tampa Bay 1976 0-14-0 2. Tom Landry, Dallas 1960 0-11-0 3. Chuck Noll, Pitt 1969 1-13-0 4. Bill Walsh, San Francisco 1979 2-14-0 5. Bill Parcells, Giants 1983 3-12-1 6. Lou Holtz, Jets 1976 3-10-0 7. Richie Petitbone, Wash 1993 1-5-0

THE BATTLE OF THE BAYS

Body of water (Record) Last Loss Next Loss 1.Tampa (1-5) 14-37, Grampa Bay Atlanta 2. Cape Cod (1-6) 9-10, Seattle Indianapolis 3 Grampa (3-3) Def. Tampa Bay, 37-14 Chicago

Quotebook: After Dallas Cowboy Coach Jimmy Johnson released linebacker John Roper, who was sleeping at a team meeting, Newsday’s Bob Glauber wondered what would have happened if the sleeping player had been quarterback Troy Aikman. Said one player: “Jimmy would have probably given him a pillow.”

THE COLLEGES

It’s the curse of Wild Willie.

W.W. was, of course, the steer that won the hearts of millions last year after being castrated on the Mississippi State practice field. The eye-catching ceremony was the idea of coach Jackie Sherrill, who wanted to fire his team up for a game against the Texas Longhorns.

Fast-forward to last August, when a disconsolate Wild Willie--living in retirement on a nearby farm--broke his leg and had to be put to sleep. Once-strong Mississippi State has been haunted ever since, posting a 2-4-1 record. The team hit a new low Saturday with a 15-15 tie against Arkansas State (1-6-1), which was ranked 157th by USA Today going into the game.

Sherrill is so rattled that he actually asked the NCAA to investigate whether an Auburn player was booting helium-inflated footballs against his team in a game earlier this year. The shocking finding: No.

Auburn Coach Terry Bowden declined to discuss the accusation, saying only: “This is a dead horse we’re kicking here.” It wasn’t clear whether he was attempting to make a reference to Wild Willie.

Sad Sack, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Temple (1-6) 7-31, Akron Miami 2. Maryland (1-6( Idle Clemson 3. Pitt (1-6) 21-42, West Virginia Rutgers 4. Purdue (1-6) 24-45, Ohio State Iowa 5. Arkansas State (1-6-1) Tied Miss. State 16-16 Idle Ole Miss State (2-4-1) Tied Ark State, 15-15 Kentucky 7. Columbia (1-5) 28-35, Yale Princeton 8. Stanford (2-5) 30-38, Ariz. State Oregon St 9. LSU (2-5) 17-35, Kentucky Ole Miss 10. USC (0-11)* 13-31, Notre Dame 1994

11. Northwestern (2-5) (welcome back!); 12. Texas at El Deflated Paso (1-6); 13. Las Vegas (1-6); 14. Vanderbilt (2-5); 15. (Tie) Houston (1-4-1 and SMU (1-4-2); 17. Awake Forest (2-5); 18. Texas (2-3-1); 19. Idle; 20. Notre Dame (based on coach Lou Holtz’s comment after the 31-13 victory over USC: “We are not a good team”).

*Record against Notre Dame last 11 years.

This week’s funny N.Y. Times top 25 football ranking: UCLA--No. 6.

Rout of the Week: Cal (5-2) over USC (4-4).