Snapshots of life in the Golden State. : Emperor Puts Joltin’ Joe in His Stateside Lineup

The invitations are out, and the Yankee Clipper and the occupant of the Chrysanthemum Throne may be sitting down to dinner this month in San Francisco. Joe DiMaggio was reported to be the only person whom Japan’s Emperor Akihito specifically asked to be invited to the dinner at the Asian Museum of Art. It is one of many events on Akihito’s lengthy U.S. visit this month; the one he’ll no doubt want to discuss with Joltin’ Joe is a Cardinals game in St. Louis.

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Destined for the late-night Top 10 excuses list: A Bakersfield man nearly drowned after his car plunged into a canal and landed upside-down. Mike Byers was fished out by 15-year-old Jack Peacock, who was understandably freaked to see that Byers’ right leg was missing. The prosthesis was floating down the canal, and someone else retrieved it. Byers told the cops his car ran off the road as he was searching for lettuce for his potbellied pigs.

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Cub vs. kids: Barbara Schoener, the marathon runner who was killed by a mountain lion on a trail near Cool, Calif., left behind a husband and two children. The mountain lion who killed her was tracked to her lair and killed; she left behind a cub. As of the end of May, donations were running: mountain lion cub $21,000, Schoener children $9,000.

The children’s money is in a trust fund established in their mother’s memory. The lion cub donations are to build a home for the cub at the Folsom Zoo.

San Francisco Chronicle columnist Jon Carroll has taken it upon himself to even the score. “Nothing against the cub. . . . Species-ist? well, yes I am.”

Ballot Box Blues

The percentage of registered voters who turn out for California primary elections has generally declined since the late 1970s, according to figures compiled by the secretary of state.

PRIMARY TURNOUT June 8, 1976 72.60% June 6, 1978 68.88% June 3, 1980 63.34% June 8, 1982 52.73% June 5, 1984 48.65% June 3, 1986 40.45% June 7, 1988 48.16% June 5, 1990 41.49% June 2, 1992 47.46% June 7, 1994 32.9%

Source: California secretary of state

Compiled by Times researcher TRACY THOMAS

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Home improvements? The hits just keep on coming for Gary Hill, ci-devant candidate for San Diego county supervisor. The home he and his estranged wife once shared had become a campaign ad for one opponent, Ron Roberts. Hill’s imminent ex plastered Roberts campaign signs all over their condo. “Malicious,” Hill called it. A court commissioner ordered the signs down last Monday; the next day, Hill lost the election. Roberts made the runoff.

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One pint short of a quart: Feeding our differences, the California Milk Processor Board, surveying milk habits statewide, says that more Angelenos (46%) than San Franciscans (32%) have blown milk out of their noses, and an even higher percentage of Angelenos (69%) than City folk (49%) drink milk right from the carton. Not unexpectedly, men are two times likelier than women to blow milk out their noses. And someone --one out of three someones--drinks the last of the milk and puts the empty carton back in the refrigerator. You know who you are.

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Creature discomforts: Not a winning season for the four- or eight-legged residents of Hesperia. Over the weekend, a Rottweiler killed three lambs destined for the county fair. On Sunday morning, a pit bull gouged a deputy’s thigh and fled after taking a bullet. The same afternoon, a man rode his appaloosa into Hesperia Lake. The horse drowned; the man was arrested for drunk driving.

The next morning, when the First Interstate Bank branch opened for business, one teller collecting overnight deposits saw a scorpion scamper across her hand. And when another unsealed a vacuum chute for drive-in customers, a gray squirrel leaped out. It had the run of the bank until it was captured that night and held for release into the wild--or as close to wild as urbanified Southern California can offer.

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Late news: Score one for the defunct. San Jose City Councilman George Shirakawa died in May and was reelected in June by 3 to 1 over the living. Supporters kept on the campaign pressure so that Shirakawa’s seat would ultimately be filled by a special election.

The expired fared worse in Contra Costa County; Dan Hallissy, dead since April, died in the polls Tuesday in the assessor’s race. Had Hallissy won, a special election would have been called. Rep. Bill Baker (R-Danville) had endorsed Hallissy “so that the people will have a choice.”

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Chambers of high-tech horror: Laying the groundwork for a generation of middle-aged runaways, the high-tech home of the future going on display in San Francisco’s Moscone Center next week is actually bragging about features that many people would find horrifying: a “home office command center” for monitoring bills and home security, and, in the master bedroom suite, an exercise area and juice bar. And for mood music, no doubt, Marine Corps drill chants.

EXIT LINE

“I shouldn’t have opened the trunk, should I?”

--Auto repair shop customer, on finding a murdered man in the trunk of her car, as quoted in the Bakersfield Californian. David Allan Hayder, the operator of the Rosedale repair shop and accused killer of the man in the trunk, answered: “No, you shouldn’t have.” The body was later found welded inside a very large toolbox.

California Dateline appears every other Friday.