A Lion in His Heart, If Not Past

My membership in the Penn State Alumni Assn. has entitled me to receive all sorts of topical Rose Bowl literature.

I am invited to the Penn State alumni golf tournament this Saturday morning in Tustin, shotgun start 8:15.

I am invited to “Joe’s pep rally,” to cheer the Nittany Lions to victory Sunday afternoon at the South Coast Repertory Theatre, Costa Mesa.

I am invited to do volunteer float work for the Rose Parade by the city of LaCanada-Flintridge, to help create a float of a giant elephant riding a hang glider.

I am invited to join the Orange County chapter’s “holiday beach party” for some “fun in the sun,” Pacific Coast Highway Brookhurst Beach, Saturday from noon to 5, hot dogs and soft drinks available.

I am invited to “paint the town blue” with the L.A. chapter at its New Year’s Eve gala at the Pasadena Convention Center, buffet supper and champagne toast, 65 bucks.

I am invited to watch the game itself Monday on TV with my brother and sister Penn State alumni at the Sutter Club in Sacramento, at Ricky’s in San Leandro or at San Jose Live, 150 South First St., San Jose.

Well, to California chapter presidents Kirsten Vensel of Los Angeles, Judy Wolfe of Orange County, Tom Lavenda of Sacramento-San Joaquin, Meri Jo Petrivelli of San Diego, Jim Howard of the San Francisco Bay area and Art Kushner of the Silicon Valley, may I humbly say, hurrah for Penn State, and I thank you.

If only I had attended Penn State.

Ten years ago or so, some dedicated Nittany Lion took note of a column I wrote about the football program at Penn State and how much I admired it.

I believe what I actually wrote was that, as a child, my chances of ending up at Penn State were not as good as my chances of ending up at State Pen.

The guy took pity and pushed me for membership in the Penn State alumni family, as warm and loving a bunch as the Bradys. I have been receiving their literature ever since.

The campus bookstore sends brochures of Penn State shirts and caps, all of which are a lot more colorful than Penn State’s uniforms.

A few weeks ago, I got tempted by a Rose Bowl tailgate celebration “fan-pak,” including one for a party of 25 that included 25 megaphones, 25 glitter buttons, 25 spirit shakers, 25 acrylic mugs and 25 pounds of blue-and-white button candy.

The part, “20% discount to all alumni members” really caught my eye. After all, the fan-pak did go for $285. And most of my life, Christmas after Christmas, I have been begging people to buy me a glitter button or a spirit shaker, but they keep getting me socks and underwear.

All purchases from the Penn State bookstore benefit Penn State scholarships, so I figured by purchasing a couple of fan-paks, I might be able to land Joe Paterno a really fine high school linebacker from Harrisburg.

Everybody back in State College or University Park or Kampus Korner (or whatever they’re calling that town now) is pretty excited about being in the Rose Bowl, let me tell you. It really feels great being champion of the Big Ten Plus Northwestern Conference.

I am informed by my alumni association newsletter that in 1923, when Coach Hugo Bezdek brought his Nittany Lions out here to play in Pasadena’s new $272,198.26 stadium, they traveled to the game in taxicabs--right after Hugo got back from viewing the parade.

“As the 2:15 p.m. kickoff approached, the Nittany Lions found themselves mired in traffic as the 57,000 spectators clogged Pasadena’s streets,” the newswire reports. “Only after some ‘Laurel and Hardy-esque’ driving by the cabbies over the local citizens’ lawns did the Penn State party finally reach the Rose Bowl.

“There they found that the kickoff already had been delayed by 10 minutes. Coach Bezdek and the Trojans’ head man, ‘Gloomy Gus’ Henderson, almost came to blows as the Lions’ skipper successfully lobbied the game officials for additional time for his squad to warm up.

“The game finally started an hour late and ended in moonlight. Even with the 60-minute delay, many spectators did not reach their seats until the second quarter.”

Well, my reaction to this memoir is understandable.

They found taxicabs? In L.A.?

As a veteran Californian now, might I politely suggest to all my Penn State fraternity brothers and sorority sisters that you leave for the game plenty early, because if you indulge in any Laurel and Hardy-esque driving this time, your vehicle might be pulled over by one of our famously stern Los Angeles police officers, or else Jack Nicholson with a nine-iron.

As for you Oregon Ducks . . .

“Question: What natural phenomenon will change the course of migrating Ducks to Southern California?” asks my alumni brochure.

“Answer: Thousands of Nittany Lion fans cheering their team to victory!”

I have to say that I absolutely agree, and that Penn State is an easy choice to win this game until Oregon comes to its senses and makes me an alumnus.