New Jersey Cup Parade Exit Ahead

The two latest entries to the 1995 sports almanac:

In the NBA finals, Houston swept Orlando, four games to none.

In the Stanley Cup finals, New Jersey swept Detroit, four games to none.

Just the way it was sketched out last October.

The Magic and the Red Wings had to know. By now, they’ve heard the age-old adage about inevitability in this world: Death, taxes, San Francisco in the Super Bowl, UCLA in the Final Four and Houston and New Jersey sweep their way to the basketball and hockey championships.

Very soon, these names will be added to the lower ring of the Stanley Cup, sharing silver with Gordie Howe, Bobby Orr and Rocket Richard:

T. Albelin S. Brylin S. Chambers T. Chorske J. Dowd B. Guerin M. Peluso

Pity the poor engraver, fumbling with the Devils program, scratching his head and muttering under his breath, “ ‘Dan-ey-ko.’ The ‘K’ before the ‘Y’ or the other way around?’ ”

The only more difficult assignment goes to Red Wings Coach Scotty Bowman, a hockey Hall of Famer, who now must explain how he lost four straight to an eye chart on skates despite having a roster that included S. Fedorov, P. Coffey, S. Yzerman, K. Primeau, D. Ciccarelli, R. Sheppard and V. Kozlov.

The New Jersey Devils, Stanley Cup champions.

Stare at those seven words for a minute, five minutes, a half-hour, whatever--the concept never clicks in, never gets any easier to comprehend.

It has the same resonance as “Seattle Seahawks, Super Bowl champions.”

Or: “Sacramento Kings, NBA titlists.”

Or: “California Angels, World Series winners.”

The Devils aren’t an out-of-the-blue fluke like the ’69 Mets or the ’88 Dodgers. They’ve played decent hockey throughout the ‘90s, qualified for the playoffs every year since ’89 and reached the conference finals in ‘94, where they extended the New York Rangers to the absolute limit. They’re a capable team. They’re a good enough team.

They’re a non-descript team.

The kind of team that fills out the field. A sparring partner. A tough draw. The second-round opposition that gives the eventual champion a rough go, but dutifully steps out of the way before the hardware is presented.

Star quality? The Devils have less marquee appeal than the Ducks, who can at least drop the name “Kariya.”

The Devils’ best player is a defenseman--perfect for this squad--named Scott Stevens, who scores goals and makes all-star teams and is overshadowed in his own time zone by Ray Bourque (plays for Boston, big city) and Brian Leetch (plays for New York, bigger city).

New Jersey’s next biggest name is Martin Brodeur, the goaltender, the 1993-94 NHL rookie of the year, who has less than two full seasons in the league.

The Devils also have Lemieux. Claude Lemieux. And they have Bobby Carpenter, who once scored 53 goals in a season. The 1984-85 season. And they have Neil Broten, 1980 Olympic hero and closing in on 300 NHL goals. He’s been a Devil for all of four months. Before then, he was in Dallas, where he and the Stars were headed for nothing more historic than a first-round blowout against Detroit.

The best-known players on the roster are Jacques Lemaire and Larry Robinson, former Montreal greats, who now take the ice only in the morning, to conduct Devils practice.

But this is the best team in professional hockey in 1995. Playoff victories over Pittsburgh, Philadelphia and Detroit are hard to argue with. What this says about professional hockey in 1995 is probably more than Gary Bettman wishes to know.

This was the Neutral Trap Zone Season, choked off and all but strangled by Bettman and his forechecking Board of NHL Governors. New Jersey, dull and methodical, is actually the ideal winner in a season sliced in half by a blockheaded lockout that grudgingly produced a deal in late January that could have been achieved as easily in August.

So the Devils suck all the life and fun out of the game?

What do you call what Bettman and the owners did to the game in October, November and December?

So the Devils don’t have Gretzky and Bure, Lindros and Messier, LaFontaine and Selanne.

Neither did the fans through Columbus Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s Day.

So Fox wanted more than four games out of its ready-for-prime time final act.

Canada and much of the United States wanted more than 48 games to decide who’s seeded where in the Stanley Cup tournament.

In the end, the NHL got what it deserved in 1995--a champion from New Jersey. There’s only one thing possibly worse, and the league is headed straight down that alley as well.

A defending champion from Nashville.

To go with Quebec’s rather overwrought separatist movement, whereby the Nordiques are separated from Quebec, all the way to Denver.

It’s a hell of a way to run a hockey league.

Send it to the Devils.