Chris Dufresne’s Top 25
1. Florida State (6-0): Warrick casts Heisman vote for himself at local Suzuki dealership.
2. Penn State (6-0): Paterno cuts off media access after hearing Walter Winchell was leaking info.
3. Nebraska (6-0): Osborne storms into locker room for impromptu pep talk; discovers team has a bye.
4. Michigan State (6-0): Saban orders players to read Dickens’ “Great Expectations.”
5. Florida (5-1): Shoot, Spurrier left for Auburn without his Terry Bowden jokes.
6. Tennessee (4-1): Volunteers resting up for “Scandal Week” vs. Alabama on Oct. 23.
7. Georgia Tech (4-1): Doug Flutie sends Joe Hamilton a pair of old cleats with lifts.
8. Virginia Tech (5-0): Dear Yogi: This is deja vu Kansas State all over again.
9. Michigan (5-1): Didn’t Rankman say Carr would mess up that quarterback rotation?
10. Kansas State (5-0): Last nonconference appetizer, Utah State, comes with a honey-mustard sauce.
11. Marshall (5-0): Missed Thursday night’s game to attend Pac-10 crisis council meeting.
12. Alabama (4-1): Rankman opens “Alexander for Heisman” West Coast bureau in El Monte.
13. Mississippi State (6-0): OK, someone explain how these guys miss Florida and Georgia.
14. Georgia (4-1): Uga, still seeing orange spots after trip to Knoxville, doubtful for Vandy game.
15. Texas A&M; (4-1): Scoreboard operator back on payroll after Aggies end 33-possession drought without a TD.
16. Texas (5-2): Will use bye week to stump for George W. Bush.
17. Syracuse (5-1): “Beat V. Tech! Hope you enjoy the chocolates.” Best regards, the Sugar Bowl.
18. Ohio State (4-2): Some calling Dr. Sigmund Cooper an ID-iot for this week’s Psych 101 ploys.
19. Wisconsin (4-2): Dayne needs to average three cheeseburgers a day to break Ricky Williams’ record.
20. Purdue (4-2): Drew, you’ll improve your Heisman hopes by throwing TD passes, not catching them.
21. Brigham Young (4-1): Thanks a lot, that win over Cal last week made the Pac-10 0-7 vs. ranked nonconference schools.
22. Mississippi (5-1): For this week’s Alabama game, refs will throw Confederate flags.
23. Southern Mississippi (3-2): Hmmm. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippis in this week’s poll?
24. Miami (2-3): First school with losing record in Rankman’s poll since Prairie View.
25. Pac-10: Final spot dedicated to memory of a once-great conference.
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