COLLEGE FOOTBALL TOP 25

No. School: Comment

1. Texas: All my Xs (and O’s) live in Texas.

2. Nebraska: Candidate Tom Osborne to speak at team’s $100-a-trough fund-raiser.

3. Florida State: Weinke regales kids about pranks he and teammate Lee Corso used to pull.

4. Alabama: Tide still has peanuts left from 1946 Rose Bowl.

5. Michigan: Lloyd Carr fines himself $100 for smiling once in June.

6. Wisconsin: With Ron Dayne gone, school opens buffet for rest of team.

7. Georgia: If every Dawg has its day, boys, your morning has broken.

8. Florida: Three consecutive losses has Spurrier questioning his . . . staff.

9. Miami: Could be an award-winning year for another Santana (Moss).

10. Virginia Tech: Still waiting for Corey Moore to tackle someone in Sugar Bowl.

11. Tennessee: Lost nine players to NFL and QB Chris Simms to Texas.

12. Kansas State: Once again, you couldn’t break an egg on the schedule.

13. Clemson: Team changes fight song to: Clemson and clover, over and over.

14. USC: Patient fans giving Hackett until Aug. 25 for results.

15. Ohio State: Cooper blows out assistants in effort to cure staff infection.

16. Oklahoma: U.S. Rep. J.C. Watts says passing offense is too tax-and-spend liberal.

17. Washington: Puget Sound squad has serious problems in shipping and receiving.

18. Purdue: Tiller on cover of media guide, but it’s all about the kids.

19. Mississippi: Roadster McAllister gives team a little Deuce coup.

20. Texas Christian: Will finish 11-0, end up in GMAC Mobile Alabama Bowl.

21. Penn State: Paterno asks secretary to bring him the Lawrence Phillips file.

22. Illinois: Three fans from Red Grange era call to renew season tickets.

23. Oregon: Top JC recruit Maurice Morris said to be faster than Mercury.

24. UCLA: Might be the best 0-3 team in country on Sept. 16.

25. Notre Dame: Cashed in frequent-flier poll points to nab last seat in first class.