In Chicago, They Store Nuts for Long Winters

Skip Bayless in the Chicago Tribune:

“A prominent agent I know makes his living on the One Nut Theory. The agent says: ‘There’s almost always one nut out there who will give you more than you ever imagine your player is worth.’

“The Cubs just got cashewed by One Nut in Colorado. The White Sox were reduced to embarrassing peanuts by One Nut in Texas.

” . . . I wish One Nut named Tom Hicks owned the Cubs or Sox. If Alex Rodriguez has just been given a quarter of a billion to play for the Cubs or Sox, would fans be lamenting baseball’s financial ruin? No, they would be counting the days until spring training.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the Laker record for free-throw percentage in a season?

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He’ll survive: Rodriguez has his own Web site, and the messages he received after signing his $252-million contract were not complimentary, such as:

“I paid $90 for two bleacher seats to watch Roger Clemens own you in Game 4 of the ALCS. You should give him

$100 million. Maybe he’ll let you get a hit off him.”

And, “You may feel rich with prosperity, but you are poor in the soul.”

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Denver dilemma: Woody Paige in the Denver Post: “There is Mutiny on the Nuggets. Who is in command of this ship of fools?

“The insurgent players believe Dan Issel has become a fusion of Captain Bligh and Queeg, while others believe the mutineers are a bunch of overpaid, underachieving, self-centered, self-forwarded and self-guarded groaners and moaners and brick-throwers.”

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Consolation prize: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times:

“British golf writer Derek Lawrenson was denied reinstatement of his amateur standing by the Royal & Ancient Golf Club recently, but he’s not complaining about it. He shot a hole in one and accepted a Lamborghini.”

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Tales of Pepper: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle:

“[Washington owner] Dan Snyder was ready to name his current guru, Pepper Rodgers, as the Redskins’ coach until the players objected. Instead, he’ll remain a club vice president.

“Rodgers has been around. In 1979, when he was fired as Georgia Tech coach and replaced by Bill Curry, he said, ‘I feel like my wife just ran off with Don Knotts.’ ”

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Ripping Rob: Jeff Gordon in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch:

“Questions to ponder while trying to count all the times [Buffalo quarterback] Rob Johnson got sacked Monday night.

* “Does Johnson hire himself out to birthday parties as a pinata?

* “Is he afraid that if he gets rid of the football, the officials won’t let him have another?”

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Look who’s talking: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post:

“A former NBA all-star on the state of today’s players: ‘They don’t understand the game. All they want to do is dunk the ball.’ If it had been Magic Johnson who said it, it would have been one thing. But it was Dominique Wilkins, for cryin’ out loud.”

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More Armstrong: “Why am I thinking Ron Gant’s agent, Bean Stringfellow, doesn’t have a double chin?

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Looking back: On this day in 1980, the L.A. Rams routed the Dallas Cowboys at Anaheim Stadium, 38-14. Two weeks later, in a first-round NFL playoff game in Dallas, the Cowboys routed the Rams, 34-14.

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Trivia answer: Magic Johnson, .911 in 1988-89.

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And finally: “Sweet Georgia Brown,” the signature song of the Harlem Globetrotters, was written 75 years ago this week by Maceo Pickard and Kenneth Casey, and is the 13th most-recorded music standard of all time.

The Library of Congress said “Sweet Georgia Brown” has been recorded more than “Jingle Bells,” “Ol’ Man River,” and “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.”