But They Never Can Take Away the Clam Chowder

These are trying times, it seems, for fans in Boston, where the Bruins, Celtics, Patriots and Red Sox all have seen better days.

So have local sportswriters, according to Boston Globe columnist Bob Ryan:

“I was a sportswriter from Boston, and that was clout, baby. The lunchpail Bruins were still elbowing their way into Stanley Cup finals; the Patriots were smashing their way to the Super Bowl; the Red Sox were coming within a pitch of, well, you all know that story; and the Celtics were the Celtics, America’s Team.

“I was a sportswriter from Boston. I ruled.

“And now?

“I travel by bus. I eat at Burger King. I stay at Motel 6. And when I show up at the stadium or arena, I put a nice paper bag over my head. I am better off being the Unknown Scribe. When they ask me where I’m from, I just mumble, ‘the Northeast.’

“I am a sportswriter from Boston. I am ashamed.”

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Trivia time: The 43 points that Tracy McGrady scored for the Orlando Magic on Monday was not the best individual Christmas Day performance in NBA history. Who holds that mark?

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No guarantees: Here’s a post-Alex Rodriguez signing observation from Detroit Free-Press columnist Mitch Albom that will be well received by everyone but the Texas Rangers:

“In December 1998, the Los Angeles Dodgers gave Kevin Brown a contract that broke the $15 million-a-year barrier. They didn’t make the playoffs the past two seasons.

“Two years earlier, Albert Belle got a contract from the White Sox that broke the $10 million-a-year mark. The Sox are still waiting for a World Series title.”

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Fat chance: Steve Simmons in the Toronto Sun: “Gargantuan Buffalo Bills tackle Ted Washington is going to the Pro Bowl. Apparently, touching your toes, or even being able to see them, is not a prerequisite for election.”

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It’s team policy: Noting that the “new” Cleveland Browns have gone 5-27 in their first two seasons and have been outscored, 856-378, syndicated columnist Norman Chad says he knows where some of the blame lies:

“Presiding over this muddle is the former major-domo of the 49ers, the esteemed Carmen ‘You Say Salary Cap, I Say Circumvent’ Policy. As my Uncle Nathan always groused, ‘Never trust a man in a suit.’ Carmen Policy sleeps in a suit.”

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No ands, ifs or putts: “In an age where metal woods have removed much of the skill from driving, where more forgiving golf balls, lob wedges and perfect fairways have made it harder for the most talented to rise above the very good, one man became so much better than the rest it was as if he alone was playing with 14 clubs and everyone else had to make do with four.”

England’s Sunday Telegraph could have been referring to only one golfer, and it was: Tiger Woods.

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Yesterday’s Bulls: “Michael Jordan is in a managerial funk in Washington. Scottie Pippen isn’t even averaging 10 points in Portland. Dennis Rodman’s old girlfriends are getting married to guys with real jobs and real haircuts.”

So writes the Chicago Sun-Times’ Ron Rapoport, noting that while other former Chicago Bulls are not setting the NBA afire, most are with teams that have a shot at the playoffs, something the current Bulls only can dream of.

“It all kind of makes me wonder what a game between the current crop of Bulls and the Lost Boys might be like,” Rapoport wrote. “Or which team Bulls’ fans would cheer for.”

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Trivia answer: Bernard King, who scored 60 points for the New York Knicks on Christmas Day in 1984.

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And finally: The Boston Globe’s Ryan says Red Sox fans aren’t concerned about the team’s pitching: “People expect a postseason confrontation with the Yankees,” he wrote, “and they won’t care if the four guys backing up Pedro [Martinez] in the rotation are Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young.”