Uh, Guys, He Left the Bears a Long Time Ago

Rick Telander in the Chicago Sun-Times, commenting on Mike Ditka, whose coaching career is apparently over after his firing by the New Orleans Saints on Tuesday:

” . . . We have adopted Ditka because he played hard for the Bears, coached them to their only Super Bowl victory, but most of all because he is so guileless, tactless, entertaining, silly, emotional, ferocious, juvenile, grumpy and charming that we know he is as authentic as a Lake Michigan rock, as real as a South Side lunch box.”

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More Ditka: Bernie Lincicome in the Chicago Tribune: “Ditka’s roar has always been greater than his vision, and now he can go back to where his noise is harmless, a TV studio or Monday night microphone.

“The race is on for Buffoon of the Booth, and I am confident Ditka can catch Jerry Glanville and Terry Bradshaw by Halloween.”

And this from Jim Masher of the Sun Herald in Biloxi, Miss.: “He arrived as a fraud and left as one too. Mike Ditka is gone. Forever. The New Orleans Saints can start over.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL regular-season record for yards gained in a game on kickoff returns?

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Try again: Tom Fears, the Rams’ Hall of Fame end who died Tuesday, reasoned that teammate Elroy Hirsch got more recognition because of his colorful nickname, “Crazy Legs.”

So he asked Times writer Frank Finch, who covered the team, to come up with a snappy nickname for him. A short time later, Finch approached Fears and said, “How about Long Tom?”

Fears was not amused.

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Mardi Gras game: Hubert Mizell of the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times touched a lot of bases in his lead paragraph on Tuesday night’s BCS title game between Florida State and Virginia Tech:

“NEW ORLEANS--In this funky Louisiana town of jazz, jambalaya and ‘A Streetcar Named Desire,’ the FSU Seminoles reached double-deep in the fourth quarter, down to their palpitating hearts, to survive Virginia Tech and the blurring quarterback magic of Michael Vick.”

What, no gumbo?

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Get out of town, Bill: Some reaction to Bill Belichick’s quickly resigning as New Jet coach:

Tabloid headline in the New York Post: “Belichicken.”

George Willis in the Post: “Jet fans should consider themselves very fortunate that Belichick isn’t the coach of their team. In less than 24 hours, he proved without a doubt he isn’t man enough to fill Bill Parcells’ enormous shoes.”

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Juggling figures: Ron Rapoport in the Chicago Sun-Times: “Positive spin: ‘Monday Night Football’ finished the season with its ‘smallest audience loss in years,’ according to the Hollywood Reporter. Which is not to be confused with a gain.”

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Some game: David Duval on Tiger Woods: “I don’t think he has been on a roll. I think he has been on his game. Give him some credit. And I think it will last for a while to come.”

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Trivia answer: Tyrone Hughes of New Orleans, 304 yards against the L.A. Rams on Oct. 23, 1994.

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And finally: Gary Shelton in the St. Petersburg Times: “Evidently, baseball believes the Dodgers didn’t know Adrian Beltre was underage when he signed. In legal terms, this is known as ‘the Woody Allen defense.’ ”