What Are Those Losers Doing on Our Schedule?

Now that Chaminade has lost 24 consecutive games in the Maui Invitational, what does that tell you?

The Silverswords haven’t played UCLA yet.

Frankly, I think Cal State Northridge should be embarrassed today, carrying on the way it has: Aren’t you supposed to beat a Steve Lavin-coached team?

Call me when you get the best of Mike Krzyzewski, Roy Williams or Henry Bibby. It’s not as if you’ve done anything that Detroit Mercy hasn’t already done.

I mean, let’s be honest--maybe Cal State Northridge was dropping sports a few years ago, but now the school has to think about toughening up its schedule, and dumping UCLA.

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WHAT’S THE SIGNIFICANCE of Cal State Northridge being ranked No. 223 in Jeff Sagarin’s basketball ratings for USA Today?

UCLA’s next opponent--UC Santa Barbara--must look like a monster.

UC Santa Barbara is ranked No. 178.

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THE ASSOCIATED PRESS reported Wednesday that Denver running back Terrell Davis has gone to Oakland to find out about the mysterious pain in his leg. It’s hoped he will be able to find Al Davis and the doll he has, and ask him to stop sticking pins in it.

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INSTEAD OF GOING back to the slam-dunk contest at the NBA All-Star break, they ought to just run a highlight tape of Kobe Bryant’s handiwork. He had four 10s against the Warriors Wednesday night--his best off a breakaway pass from Rick Fox--doing a 360 with elevation to spare.

I know, I know, Coach Phil Jackson would have preferred a 180.

Bryant also tried a windmill dunk, missing badly in game the Lakers were winning in a rout, bringing a laugh from the crowd as he went down with a mischievous grin. On the Laker bench Jackson was doing his best to look like the disapproving taskmaster, but I detected the beginnings of a smile.

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A SPOKESMAN FOR Hugh Hefner sent an e-mail to let me know that Gabrielle Reece, the former beach volleyball standout who is now trying to work her way onto the LPGA Tour, will appear in a nude layout in the January Playboy.

As if I would be interested.

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I GOT A call from someone wanting to know if I was going to watch Saturday and Sunday’s Skins Game at the Landmark Golf Club in Indio featuring four golfers who are not Tiger Woods. Reruns of Chris Schenkel doing a pro bowling tournament would be more exciting.

“But Fred Couples needs to win only one skin to hit the $2-million mark in career skins winnings,” I was told. “And if no one wins a skin until the final hole, they will be playing for $1 million.”

I’d watch if Tiger Woods was doing the commentary.

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THE REFEREES CALLED a foul every 42 seconds in USC’s victory over the University of San Diego on Tuesday night, and while fans might want to be loyal to their favorite teams, the college basketball game is a drag.

“It’s not entertaining,” Bibby said. “They are going to sell more beer and pizza because people are going to be here a long time, which ought to make the people running the arena happy. But the game’s not going to be as exciting as it was in the past.”

The NCAA has ordered officials to call more fouls to clean up the game, and the smart coaches--fill in your own Lavin punch line--will now force the ball inside, wait for the whistle and then the free-throw show will begin.

USD and USC combined to attempt 63 free throws, which is about as exciting to watch as a hockey game.

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WHAT BIBBY DOESN’T say is that the new rules are going to benefit his team, which features solid play on the interior to go along with his particular skill as a crafty bench coach. For example, when the Trojans went down by 10 early against San Diego, Bibby sent in five new players.

“I did that once before when I was coaching in Puerto Rico and everybody was screaming at me in Spanish,” Bibby said. “I was more concerned here--because they were going to be yelling and I would know what they were screaming, but I had to get the group’s attention.”

He did, the Trojans rallied, and on a night when the team’s projected dominant player, Brian Scalabrine, didn’t score, they won by 11.

Can’t wait for that Cal State Northridge-USC showdown Dec. 5 in the Sports Arena, for city bragging rights.

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THE OWNERS OF War Chant have pulled the Breeders’ Cup Mile winner from Sunday’s $500,000 Hollywood Derby, admitting they don’t want to jeopardize his health, because he will soon start earning a $75,000 stud fee.

I had several lines that immediately came to mind here, but my family is kind of relying on my future employment.

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TODAY’S LAST WORD comes in a telephone message from Bret, the younger daughter’s boyfriend:

“Mr. Simers, I’ve bought a ring, and I’ll be there later [today] to ask for your blessing and permission to ask Kelly to marry me.”

I guess he doesn’t know this is the one day of the year I bring out the electric carving knife.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at his e-mail address: t.j.simers@latimes.com.