It Also Helps Your Cause If You Can Write

Bernie Lincicome, in the Rocky Mountain News: “From time to time I am asked what it takes to become a sports columnist. This is aiming very low. This is like wanting to know how to become a game show host.

“But to genuine inquiries, I offer sincere advice:

* “Keep it to yourself if you can figure quarterback ratings in your head, recognize the off-sides trap in soccer or know which ESPN has what on when.

* “Never go to a retirement party for Rickey Henderson.

* “Try not to bother Mike Shanahan with current events, unless the latest deposed Balkan dictator is also a placekicker.

* “Find how many jails have retired Mike Tyson’s number.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NCAA Division I-A record for intercepting the most passes in a season?

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Zzzz: Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated is not a fan of TV baseball. “Personally,” he says, “for sheer excitement, I rank watching baseball on TV just below fungus sculpture and the new 12-part PBS documentary on gout.”

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Shaq attack? Tim Cowlishaw of the Dallas Morning News, in an interview with maverick owner Mark Cuban of the Dallas Mavericks, who is concentrating on his team’s depth:

“ ‘I’m not saying our approach is the absolute best, but it’s one that was available. There weren’t three Shaqs for us to go out and sign.

“ ‘With our depth, we’re going to be able to run on a lot of teams. It’s going to be tough for a Shaq to run up and down the court with us.’ ”

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Time warp: Orlando Magic Coach Doc Rivers, on whether he would consider acquiring Allen Iverson, the Philadelphia 76er star whose yet-to-be-released rap CD has provoked protests by civil-rights groups who consider the lyrics offensive: “I don’t know, I’m still into the Commodores.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1962, Houston’s George Blanda threw six touchdown passes to lead the Oilers to a 56-17 rout of the New York Titans.

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Trivia answer: Al Worley of Washington, 14, in 1968.

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And finally: Greg Cote of the Miami Herald, on the possibility of an all-New York World Series: “Nothing can be done now. It is too late. Get your affairs in order. Call the priest. Leave the dog a lot to eat. And then depart this good earth while there is still time.

“Because soon, the Subway Series That Ate America will be upon us, obliterating life as we know it.”