Just His Opinion, so Don’t Sweat It

Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News, endeavoring to answer the question, “What is an athlete?”:

“Auto racers claim to be athletes. So do bowlers, golfers and curlers. But they are not.

“Quarterbacks, high jumpers and boxers don’t have to discuss whether they are athletes. They just are.

“No one has ever found an adequate definition of what an athlete is, nothing that satisfies everyone who wants to be known as one. I always figured an athlete was anyone who sweats on purpose.”

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Trivia time: Which Pacific 10 school was the first to win a bowl game?

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Shorter the better: Jeff Gordon in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “Orlando Magic Coach Doc Rivers harks back to the NBA glory days, when he and his cohorts wore form-fitting shorts instead of the small tents favored by today’s stars.

“‘I don’t know how guys can dribble between their legs,’ Rivers said. ‘They should bring back the old shorts. Maybe it will bring in more fans. Back then, it looked like a male strip show out there.”’

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The Gruden campaign: Thomas Neumann in the San Diego Union-Tribune: “The Jon Gruden T-shirt currently being offered at www.irishgruden.com --not to be confused with dumpdavie.net --might make a nice holiday gift for the disgruntled Notre Dame football fan in your life.

“On the front of the shirt is a scowling, cartoon face below the words, ‘Gruden, The Savior of Irish Football.’ The back reads. ‘Irish Eyes Will Smile Again in 2002.”’

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A record is a record: Tom FitzGerald in the San Francisco Chronicle: “‘Every year, a big deal is made when the last undefeated team loses,’ says Sean Keane of Berkeley. ‘The 1972 Miami Dolphins break out champagne once their benchmark is preserved for another year.

“‘This year, I wonder if we’ll start hearing about the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-14) getting ready to celebrate a Lions’ win with cheap malt liquor.”’

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His defense: Former New Jersey Net star Jayson Williams, hired this year by NBC, has been charged with pushing a police officer. FoxSports.com columnist Randy Hill says that, according to his sources, “Williams should be guilty of nothing more than mistaken identity. He thought the cop was Olden Polynice.”

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The works: Jerry Greene of the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel, commenting on Grant Hill: “Give the Magic credit. They send media updates on Hill’s health about every eight minutes. We know he’s been looked at by X-ray, CT scan, and bone scan--with Miss Cleo on emergency standby. And we know his ankle is being treated with ice, muscle stimulation, ultrasound, therapeutic exercise and chicken soup. (Well, they didn’t say chicken soup, but chicken soup is good for anything.)”

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Looking back: On this day in 1928, USC defeated Notre Dame at the Coliseum, 27-14. It was the Trojans’ first victory over the Irish and they finished 9-0-1.

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Trivia answer: Washington State, with a 14-0 victory against Brown in the 1916 Rose Bowl.

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And finally: Steve Hummer of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution on baseball contraction:

“Every time baseball’s owners meet, an angel loses its faith.”